Wah Wah Funk Publishing

2011-11-15T11:18:00.001-08:00

Sexploitation from the Golden age of Porn!

Do you remember when Nuns and Priests were always at it, when women were always bi and you were guaranteed to get more than a meal from your pizza delivery guy?

Those were the 1970's, when robots were sexy and every one had pubic hair.

In honour of the Golden Age of Porn, and in order to reclaim it for myself, I've written a series of Sexploitation Novels designed to use the absolute worst in political incorrectness to have a fun romp through this classic age.

First in the series is Visit To The Doctor, a three part novel from the age when no self-respecting doctor would conduct an examination without the busty nurse standing by.
The Doctor will see you Now.

Visit to the Doctor #1 is available here.

Visit to the Doctor #2 is available here.

Visit to the Doctor # 3 is available soon.

Because women pretend they want men when they want power.

2011-10-04T05:16:00.000-07:00

Why are women so afraid of admitting they want power?

I mean - not to others. We have all that 'official' permission now.

Its the admission to themselves that I am thinking of.

Here is the problem.

Women will THINK what they want is a man, when really what they want is power. Now it doesn't matter if they guy they nab is powerful, but if he isn't, and he was only giving the illusion of being powerful (as is the case for 99% of men in the world and 100% of men who are not psychopaths) then owning and controlling him is going to be easy and - ultimately unsatisfying.

But, you see, but that time we already have kids and worried in-laws, so divorce seems too hard and you're left with only one final act to compensate for your mistake. Nagging.

We all know it. This is one of the primary reasons women nag. Its a desire to control their mate. And of course, him being as childish as a man, the more she nags, the more he is going to ignore her or rush down to the pub with his mates.

And so we are left with the startling reality that (unfortunately) looks like so many modern marriages, even today.

An alternative to this scenario is to identify that it is POWER that she wants. ultimately, power over herself. (if you don't think this is the case - check your sex barometer. If you are in any way attracted to a man 'taking control' in the bedroom, then you have a latent or overt desire to be dominated) If she addresses this, and makes sure she is getting power in her own life, according to her own accomplishments and not by dominating the life out of husband and children, then miraculously she will find it doesn't matter too much that the lawn didn't get mown this weekend. Along side of this, she will find he wants to spend a little more time at home.

In romance novels women do not seek to gain power over their men. The men wouldn't stand for it anyway. But then, none of them want power over the women either, so the novels never get into that ugly tug-of-wits-war. They leave domination for the bedroom.

Because men are not honest about what they want

2011-09-15T03:54:00.000-07:00

Every person wants to be needed by and special to theirsignificant other. Entering into a relationship with a person is a tricky deal,because you have agreed to fulfil this impossible role.

Thus begins the unshakable sense of being alone and disconnected inrelationship.

This problem will continue through life, the balance betweenthe others autonomy and your need to possess them. Women will grapple with thison the surface.

However, men will not. They will pretend they relationshipis “for” her, as if they are getting little out of it. They have so many otherfulfilling aspects of their life, they can easily make their partner feel asthough the relationship is a gift to her. Sometimes, in extreme cases, they believethis.

Men want relationship. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t haveit. Men will pretend what they want is ten women or no women, but when it comesdown to it, they are the ones who ultimately get to choose.

If men don’t needor want to be a relationship, why is almost every man in the entire world, andevery man in the planets history, in relationships? Are they all so generousand benevolent that they have given this to some woman even though what theyreally want is a harem of ten?

No.

The answer to this is simply that they are not very honestabout what they want. It seems manlier to say that you don’t want arelationship. Men feel that it is capitulating to own up that they want theirone special person who properly understands them.

In romance novels the men are always honest about thisbecause they are written by women and women think this is the sexsiest, mostattractive thing in the world.

Because women will play Ukulele music

2011-09-15T01:28:00.000-07:00

Ok. I blame Jason Mraz and Taimane for this one.

But it wasbad enough we had to put up with the spate of kids playing this on the net. Nowwe are suffering through this ultra cute fad with women.

There seem to be three primary rules with the “Im going tomake it big” ukulele thing.

1. You must cover at least 5 Beatles songs

2. One must be all my lovin’

3. You then have to cover I’m yours.

If you follow these rules, you are officially a ukuleleplayer.

The world is still waiting for the un-cute ukulele player. JasonMiraz is primarily to blame for this – along with the film Juno. They have bothcursed the world with a passion for cute that now extends past the previoushealthy borders of child and cat. Of course, whenever there is a cute fad, youcan be sure women will leap onto it, seeing as they are always looking for an opportunityto relinquish what it means to be an adult and embrace emotional childishness.

All I can say is the sooner we get past this the better.

In romance novels there are no Ukuleles because even themost banal, poorly written romance novel is too sophisticated for them.

Because women are more manipulative than they think

2011-09-14T13:53:00.000-07:00

Female manipulation is very subtle to each individual womanand screamingly obvious to all those around them.

We have the obvious manipulation: tantrums, passiveaggressive sighing, martyring themselves and allowing negative feelings tooverwhelm them.

Then we have the not so obvious manipulations.

A woman will discuss something she wants with her partner. Ifshe doesn’t get what she wants, she will work the strategy a different way.

A good example of this is moving in. The boyfriend may claimhe’s not ready yet. She will claim to agree. Then she will start forgetting herthings. Leaving stuff behind, rearranging his clothes and things, cleaning up.These are all passive aggressive ways of getting what she wanted anyway. Beforehe knows it, four weeks are past and she’s been there every night she’s redecoratedand your cat likes her more than you.

Another example of this is a little later in life when shemight decide she doesn’t want him to spend time with one of his friends she hasdecided is bad for him. After a discussion where he might disagree, he willfind to his surprise that the particular friend in question is never invitedover anymore and that she is not available to look after the kids when he goesout with this friend.

Because women are able to operate in the realm of ‘relationship’they can often be a little ‘flexible’ with the rules. Usually a man is no matchfor this. He will wake up and find things have gone her way and he can’t workout exactly when that happened, or worse, he won’t even notice things havegone her way at all.

In romance novels this does still happen, unfortunately.This is a shame, because I do think manipulation is a problem and is somethingthat needs to be addressed within each individual.

Because men pretend they want sex more than they do.

2011-09-08T15:07:00.000-07:00

I know.

1. You’re all going to protest.

2. This is a reoccurring theme on this blog.

But despite my resounding yes to both of those, thismystifies me so much, I am compelled to talk about it again.

Why do men do this?

Now it is true, that the men (and women) you find talkingabout sex the most are the ones who are not getting it. This is especially trueof men. Any of your mates who are more obsessed than the others are the least satisfied.Especially if they talk about how much they are getting.

However, this is more about pretending you want it.

One of the secrets men don’t tell women, is that part ofbeing out with the ‘mates’ is not having to think about sex. Being with theguys at the pub or in front of the game, means they are under no pressure to providestud mentality to their mates, anonymous women, wives, parents, and all theother people that are watching them closely for signs of ‘normal’ behaviour.

And here we visit the heart of the matter.

Just as women live under the gaze, so do men. Men are constantlybeing watched for signs of masculinity. If women are oppressed recipients, menare forced predators.

This is not always the case of course. There are dangerouspredatorial males, just as there are passive female victims. But for the mostpart, men are as forced into the ‘mating dance’ as women and it is comfortableand familiar to neither. Why men can’t stop pretending they want it is beyondme.

In romance novels, it’s honest. Every woman who has everbeen close to a man knows of his desperate need for connection, and his desirefor intimacy with one special woman. That is why they are uncompromising intheir desire to reveal this.

Because women will combine animal prints

2011-09-05T17:05:00.000-07:00

Prints are tough.

Hard to get away with. Animal prints are tough work to makethem work, if you get my drift.

But mixing your prints – is an act against nature.

Think for a moment. What is the animal print supposed toachieve? What is its purpose? What makes the animal print so beautiful?

Blending.

Right! A Zebras stripes are gorgeous because of camouflage.A leopards spots help with hiding in trees. A tiger is supposed to be stalkingin long grass, and lions want to rest under trees in sandy coloured short grassand not be noticed.

That’s right. Not be noticed.

Therefore, to use animal prints in order to BE noticed, isan act against nature and goes against our deepest biological needs and urges.

This is why, women, (and men in this sort of underwear) youfind it so hard to pick up when you are wearing the zebra striped black andwhite faux leather dress, over the top of snake skin cowboy boots and a leopardprint jacket. People see you and a deep biological urge to kill you immediatelysets in. This may or may not have anything to do with your personality, but itwill absolutely have a lot to do with your outfit.

Animals wear animal prints so things that want to kill themcan’t see them.

In fact, it’s so pretty much everything can’t see them. Evencoral (check your earrings) is protecting itself. You will never see a liondrape a panther fur around its neck, or a giraffe drape zebra fur across itsback. That’s because, in Africa and other parts of the world, their animalprints work sans accessories. And they won’t work if they mix the patterns.

In romance novels no one ever mixes animal prints or they goto romance writer’s jail. Simple as that. It’s like writing a lover who runs off with the protagonist’s bestfriend and then comes back and she forgives him. It’s just never gonna happen.

Because men wear man bags

2011-09-04T16:46:00.000-07:00

What the FUCK?

Ok – now I’m not talking about cool saddle bags. I’m nottalking about a dude carrying a satchle and slinging everything hetransports. I’m not even talking about guys who are happy to hold their chick’sbag while she dashes to the public loo.

I’m talking about MAN BAGS. Those creepy little pouches mencarry so you can’t be 100% sure they’re men.

Two very important dating rules:

1. Never date a man more good-looking than you

2. Never date a man with a better purse than you

This has got to be some sort of symbol of the crushing deathof masculinity. These things aren’t just a-sexual; they are a total coldshower.

And WHAT is the deal? Those funny little pouches that menwill sling around their chest and shoulders are weird enough, but what is withthe little see through bathroom bag thing with no strap and no handle at all; Imean when did men’s accessories get dumber and less practical than women’s?

The ones worn around the penis area are the worst.Appalling. A pouch for the pouch. I think. I can’t work it out. Some are sosmall you couldn’t carry more in it than your balls. Are these things meant tocarry money? Keys? Your ATM card and drivers licence. Just reach into my pocketthere officer and you can pull it out?

In romance novels the women carry handbags and there isnever ever any confusion about who is carrying the bag, or who the woman is.

Because women think they look good at 50 in the outfit they bought when 20.

2011-09-03T16:36:00.000-07:00

Ouch.

This is a toughie, and even though I am not fifty, I have toconfess I’ve fallen for this one.

It’s not that you don’t look good (that’s my story and I’msticking to it) more - the clothes are out of fashion now.

Oh – and we can include the fact you probably paid tendollars for the shirt off the discount rack, took it home, looked amazing andwere able to brag to everyone about how frugal you are (so frugal you purchasedeight) and bragged about your “knack”for grapping perfect clothing perfectly cheap.

You don’t have a knack.

Clothing had to be a canvas sack for you to not look good init when you were twenty. Things are different now. You need real clothes; Protectionclothing from fashion faux pas like muffin tops and cellulite.

It’s not that you’re bad, or sinful or unattractive. Theproblem is this: in the same way you could lose weight on a mars bar diet whenyou were twenty, you could wear any old crappy thing and appear stunning.

That aint the case now.

I do understand the memory thing. Those sweet cut off jeanshorts your rebel biker boyfriend said “far out” in response to, when he andhis friends checked you out at the drag racers that night? They are memories.

Toss the shorts, revel in the memories, and get over it. You look better in thewell cut jeans, light fashionable peasants blouse and leather jacket nowanyway.

In romance novels women always fall in love with hopelesslyrich men who have a clothing fetish manifesting in deep sexual pleasure fromwatching you shop on their credit card. No woman has to wear crappy clothingshe bought when she was eighteen.

Because men will wear cut-off jean shorts

2011-09-02T15:47:00.000-07:00

These are just bad.

Bad.

They rarely look good on women. I mean sometimes, some womencan pull it off, but they are very rare. Almost all the women who think they can pull it off can’t.

But men can never ever pull this off. Even if you think theycan, they can’t. Even if you think your guy looks really hot in his cut offs –he doesn’t. It just looks – well – faggy. And not in that really cool ACTUALgay-guy way. This looks just faggy in an ‘i-wish-i-was-brave-enough-to-give-it-a-go-just-once-but-i-never-will-because-im-not-cool-enough’kind of way.

Let’s collectively face it, shall we, and say the thing that we’vebeen too scared to say out loud.

Cut off jean shorts are only for farmers who actually DOwork so hard in their jeans they get frayed, genuinely. Shorts are kept forcomfort, durability and convenience, never to be seen in public, never to beworn on public transport or in bars.

I mean – I don’t know – maybe you want to look like AndreAgassi.

Even worse than the cut off jean shorts is the frayed cutoff jean shorts. Those ones that look like you tore them off yourself with yourteeth. No no no no no! Just say no!

These do not look good if you are tanned. They don’t lookgood if you are buffed. They don’t look good if you are gay. They never everlook good.

In romance novels cut off jean shorts rarely happen, becausethe bulk of women hate them, on women or men. There is a reason for this. Justas lots of people LIKE frank Sinatra or George Clooney for their sophistication.Sometimes popular opinion is right.

Because women will wear the holidays

2011-09-01T20:23:00.000-07:00

What’s with wearing the holidays?

How come, as soon as thefirst signs of Christmas appear (in September usually) we see sleighbell earringsand Santa bracelets?

Add to that, these things are usually flashing in some indistinguishableheadache-inducing Morse code that does nothing other than make everyone run forthe aspirin. Worse still are those singing jumpers and headbands.

What is withthat?

So I get festive and fun. I can do that. But I am moretraditional about my decorations.

I tend to think the tree, dining table, food,booze, presents, book shelves, pets, front door, back door, ceilings, televisionand every square inch of every shopping centre or solitary shop is enough forthe decorations.

Must we adorn our bodies as well? I mean the song says deckthe halls not deck everything moving or still in a ten mile radius.

I’m not sure, but I think it started with Christmas – or maybeEaster, we were wearing those crosses for years – but it has now spread toabsolutely everything. Hearts for Valentines day, Santa’s for Christmas, bunny’sat Easter, pumpkins at Halloween, fourth of July flags.

I mean we will now evenadopt other countries celebrations just so we can wear stupid little earrings:leprechauns and pots of gold for St Patricks day and mini French berets andbaguettes dangling off our ears for Bastille day.

Basically, it’s enough that we adorn every hall in existencefor our holidays. We don’t need to do the jewellery as well.

In romance novels, this does occasionally happen, and that’sjust sort of sad.

Because men will wear long socks and shorts

2011-09-01T03:57:00.000-07:00

Bit of a fashion theme running this week, because – well becauseit’s so easy. I mean how many fashion faux pas can men commit? This one IS adoosey.

Sooooo – if you’re gonna do the bare leg thing, what’s withthe long socks?

Terrified the mosquitos will get your upper shins as well asyour ankles? Or are you one of those up-to-date men who are wearing sandals withthis little ensemble? Worried about how exposed your tootsies might get?

I’d suggest you weren’t too worried about exposure at all.

See, this one is tough, because you’re covering up yourlegs. I am sure it’s a little cooler (as in breezier, NOT Fonzy-like) than thefull leg pant, but it can’t be a cool as the shorter socks. I can’t see thehiding of a shiny-shin is the key thing protecting you from the cold.

If it isn’t to protect you from the cold... then...I’mafraid to ask... could it be that you think it looks good;

or perhaps a tadmore sophisticated than the shorter socks. Or perhaps it’s thought to be alittle ‘dressier’ than the short socks with shorts. So dressy in fact that youmight trick people into thinking you are not the daggiest person who everlived.

I don’t understand this one. I can say (mercifully) that itseems to be going out of date. Let’s face it, few –er – younger men are doingthis and that means one thing and one thing only.

It’s dying out.

In romance novels this absolutely never ever happens.

Because women will draw their eyebrows on

2011-08-30T05:33:00.000-07:00

Soooooo...

WTF is going on here? Honestly, this is worse than the comb over. SURELY these women know we can tell they drew their eyebrows on? I googled this question in search of an answer for this blog post, and I came upon over 5.5 million responses, none of which held any answers as far as I could see.

Just page after page of people asking why on earth anyone would do this?

The oddest folk are the ones who pluck the entire eyebrow out and subsequently draw it back on. One of the forums I visited had a woman saying she shaves her eyebrows off and then draws them back on because the original set are uneven.

Ok.

This still makes no sense what so ever. We can tell they are drawn on. Am I giving away a big secret here, or am I the only one who can tell? Women who do this need to understand, we can tell you drew them on. I think this negates any possible advantage you may gain with the even eyebrows because now we are weirded out. Why? No one’s eyebrows ARE even. Even eyebrows are weird and we can tell right away you’ve drawn them on.

Unless you are Marlene Dietrich or Greta Garbo (and please note the era these women were in the public gaze) you are not getting away with the drawn-on-eyebrow thing. It IS like a comb over. See how we can all tell that hair isn’t growing from the top of his head? Well, that’s how we are about the drawn on eyebrows.

In romance novels women are not tempted to do this, over tan, ore poorly dye their hair. Mostly this is because any insecurity is done away with a stunning Greek God of a man telling her he is going a little insane for her oh-so-natural healthy good looks. And that’s partly why we love them.

Because men think Indie DJing is rebellious.

2011-08-28T21:17:00.000-07:00

Some “white boy” rebellions I call “good college boy”. These are things good white middle class college boys will do in order to appear to be rebellious. One of these was discussed before on this blog – graffiti. Another is coke. Coke has to be the most main stream, pedestrian and tamed drug since dope.

The third is, Indie music, and becoming a DJ.

In order to be an Indie DJ you need to: get a wild hair cut, wear your dad’s clothes in a cool way and get a tattoo. These are the most important things. A cool girlfriend helps, but once you are DJing plenty will come your way, so they are not so important.

What is not important at all is the music.

At least, the music itself doesn’t matter- but the style of music is desperately important. If you are going to be the coolest guy ever in the shortest period of time, then you need to be an Indie DJ.

Indie music is repetitive and unadventurous.

This makes it perfect for fast access to looking like you know what you are talking about. Good Indie music can be recognised by how cool the people are who are wearing the bands t-shit. In five or six hours you can master a CDJ and that means you have everything you will need in order to be an excellent Indie DJ.

Few women want to be Indie Dj’s. They are aware this is a white boy’s domain, and their job is to have sex with them. Feminism is something both Indie sexes will claim for themselves, but the segregated roles are rarely transgressed.

Indie music does give the impression the people listening to it are very intelligent, mostly because no one has heard of the band names. Bizarrely, in the world of Indie music, obscurity is more important than talent, which is handy because often obscurity goes hand in hand with a lack of talent. But young rebellious white college boys need this, in order to feel safe. So it has a very important role to play.

In romance novels there is no Indie music. That’s it.

Because women will pretend "real dumb" is "fake dumb"

2011-08-27T20:39:00.000-07:00

Part of the reason the “chicks are dumb” thing has lasted for all these years is that women use it for own advantage and at their own convenience. You will see this around you all the time. A woman will float into this vacant sort of space, and solicit laughs playing up the dumb thing.

What you probably don’t realise (but these things are so transparent you probably do) is often women really are dumb. Frequently they don’t know what you are talking about. Faking no idea what you are talking about is the perfect way to convince you they like to pretend they don’t know what you are talking about it.

It goes like this:

“One of the most concerning aspects of Nietzsche’s philosophy is the way that it was co opted by Nazi sympathisers. The Ubermunch has good and bad overtones. It’s an important idea to look at, but then the concept of intellectual superiority is a complicated one.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, like in the film, Rope. The idea is discussed there. The smartest people are able to dominate the dumb people.”

“Who thinks that?”

“Well, it’s not so much who thinks that, it’s more that the wrong people will adopt it as a philosophy.”

“Oh – you said the film Rope. Oh my goodness. I didn’t realise that was what you were talking about. I thought you meant a rope and I was like “what is this guy on about?” ha ha ha ha... I’m so dumb. My god. That was stupid.”

“Ha ha – yeah I guess.”

And there you have it.

Women will fake stupid in order to prevent themselves from looking stupid.

In romance novels women are happy to ask a question if they don’t know something because they always know it doesn’t mean they are stupid id there are things in the world that are still to be known. And that is another reason women love them so much.

Because men insist on having loud car stereos.

2011-08-26T20:29:00.000-07:00

There are several ways in our culture men are able to inform people of a large penis. Fortunately none of these indicators involve showing your penis. Because the only people desperate to notify everyone they have a large penis are men with small penises, you can be very sure men who employ these methods have small penises.

There are many indicators of a large (and therefore small) penis. Most of these involve the car. One of the most prevalent ways of information sharing is having a large stereo blaring as you drive through the streets.

Another one of the requisites for driving through the streets with your car stereo blazing is having bad taste in music. No lover of 70’s Kraut-Progrock loves to drive with the stereo playing loud. This seems to be exclusive to the listeners of urban or main stream hip hop. Every now and then it will be some sort of banal mainstream metal music.

The music must be so loud you can feel it. A vibration must be throbbing through the pavement under your feet.

The task here is to impress people you will never see again and convince those you will never speak to that their lives will be poorer for not having met you.

Fortunately, because you leave before confirmation, you are able to convince yourself people (women) have this experience without any sort of brush with reality.

In romance novels, this never ever happens, and that is because chicks don’t dig it. Period.

Because women will buy bride magazines when they're not engaged.

2011-08-25T19:59:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered, looking at all those bride magazines, how they stay in business? I understand every woman doing the large wedding thing will want to buy one of those mags. And it is true; she will buy every one in the shop when the wedding is first announced.

But what you may not know – a well kept secret amongst women – is often women (particularly younger women) will buy bride magazines when they are not even engaged. Often they are in a relationship, although sometimes this purchase may happen when they are single.

In a relationship is the wrong time to look at these magazines. Fantasising about the dress and all the other wedding crap is the absolute worst thing to do when you are trying a person on for size. Anyone will tell you it places too much pressure on the relationship and will end in tears.

This doesn’t stop women dong it however.

There is something magical in the idea of your man proposing. I think it has to do with him wanting to give up his freedom or something. Realise when a man proposes to a woman she doesn’t think she now “has” him (women never really feel like that about their men) it’s more about the declaration to the world that he wants her. It is that public statement she’s after – not so much the idea of having him forever.

If he wants to marry her, he wants his mates to know, his parents, and most importantly of all, his ex (and potentially future) girlfriends. Dwelling on the magazines holding the image of this promise, is a way of reminding you he hasn’t made that public declaration yet.

Painful.

In romance novels when men and women fall in love, it usually ends in a proposal, which usually makes the woman feel very safe and makes all her rivals feel nervous. This is another reason women love them so much.

Because men think tribal tattoos are the mark of the warrior

2011-08-24T18:26:00.000-07:00

Ok. There is something these men need to understand.

If you haven’t undergone the gruelling physical tests associated with becoming a warrior, getting the tattoo isn’t quite enough.

I know it hurts. And I know you have to sit still for a long time. I know that you may have missed two or maybe even three footy games and I know it will be there forever and that was a difficult decision to make.

Yet even all these passed obstacles aren’t the same as actually being a warrior.

You see warriors usually have fought in wars. This is not the same as glassing a dude you hate in the face when you are drunk at the pub. It is not the same as a head-high tackle. It's not the same as cheating on your girlfriend and almost getting caught. It is not the same as dirt bike racing with your mates. Just because you won at paintball last week, does not mean you have earned warrior tattoos.

Ok?

So WTF is with this? Do any of these men really think we are now assuming they are warriors? Is this just the most soulful some men can get? Do they all genuinely love the art work?

I think the worst version of this – even worse than the arm band – is the full back one. For some reason it is assumed, because they have been working out at a gay gym, got drunk with their mates while masturbating to porn, and staggered out to get a warrior tattoo on their buffed bods that we will be afraid of them. But of course, we’re not scared. We just think they’re gay. Which is excellent – if they are.

In romance novels warriors are usually warriors. As in - they fought in a war. This is why women are attracted to the warrior, not because of his tatts – even though she may find the tatts he earned very sexy.

Because women will call each other "honey" and "darling".

2011-08-23T16:58:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure where this one started. I know women didn’t do it when I was a young girl, although I did send my girlfriends Valentine’s Day cards. This was not so much to reveal emotions, but rather, it ensured they didn’t go a Valentine’s day without a card – which I guess is sort of way of me telling them how I feel. To call them honey or darling, however, was considered a little odd.

Why? Because it is.

Well, this happens all over the place now. Women everywhere are doing it.

Despite the supposed power of these words, between women the meanings are watered down to an odd mush of sentiment. Women will call each other “darling” and “sweetie” and “Hun” and more often than not end up sounding patronising. Why?

Because it is. We bitched to high heaven when the men called us these names, claiming to feel marginalised because they’re demeaning. Well, they still are.

The worst place for this is on social networking sites and other internet sites. Tempers flare on the internet – no regulating force of the physical presence exists to warn us about how we talk to each other. The best way to tell if a woman is pissed off at another woman on any internet platform is if she starts to rabbit on about how much she loves the other woman. Especially if this arrives out of the blue.

Usually, it goes like this:

“Everyone you have to read this book on the 12 steps to complete inner peace. It totally changed my life.”

“I’ve read it honey?”

“Really? Oh – did you enjoy it?”

“Yes. I thought it was very good. It really helped me through some tough times when I was less experienced. I don’t think it is as good as some of the other books I have read more recently though. I think it’s what you get out of it at the time that matters.”

“Oh darling, you always seem to have these things before me.”

“No no – that is not what I meant at all sweetheart.”

“No – it’s ok gorgeous. I don’t mind admitting when someone is way ahead of me spiritually.”

“Honey, no one is ahead of anyone. We are all just at the stage we are at. I just happened to be at this one four years ago. It means nothing about being ahead or behind.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. You are the best.”

Could you feel the love?

In romance novels bitches are mean and friends are loyal. No one gets the two confused, and no one calls you something they don’t mean unless they are bad.

Because men will build a home in the virtual world but not the real world.

2011-08-21T16:57:00.000-07:00

Whether it’s Archage, City of Villians, Everquest, or Guildwars, men will start their relationship with on line gaming at an early age and sometimes retain this love affair throughout their lives – these days.

This is a rather new phenomenon. I’m heading for the middle of my life, and when I was young, video games were “Pac Man” and “Frogger” – excellent games but not something you could devote years of your life to, despite many people’s attempts to do just that.

Somewhere in the subsequent ten years, on line gaming became a sophisticated thing.

Men will spend hours, days, weeks, months and years in the virtual world. This is understandable if they are slaying dragons, gaining extra powers and finding various death-cheating potions.

What is less easy to understand, is the games where they construct houses, go to university, get jobs, find a wife and build a family. I mean – if this sort of thing floats your boat, you can actually live it. It doesn’t have to be done on line – exciting news I know. And although the wife in real life may not have permanent pigtails and high breasts, there are real life advantages, I promise, so exciting they obliterate virtual pleasure.

The most insane thing about these games is, it is almost as hard to get to the next level in the real life simulated games as is it in real life.

This is where gamer’s motivation gets a little hazy for me.

In romance novels, you could argue the same thing is going on, except that you are never fooled into thinking you are really living that life in a book. Sometimes, on-line these barriers can get a little fuzzy.

Because older women will fake a hipster profile to get younger men

2011-08-20T21:27:00.000-07:00

I know about Cougars. They are the women out there with the leopard skin outfit that is 2 sizes two small and large bouffant yellow-blond hair dirty-dancing to Lady GaGa . Cougars are a much talked about segment of society that is generally maligned for good reason.

However, there is another, not so easily identified subsection of the cougar group – the middle-age hipster woman.

These women are usually on social media sites. You can pick them because they change their profile pic daily, have had enormous boob jobs, and usually wear their startlingly red or deep purple hair in beehive ponytails and plaits. Their images have always been photoshopped. They will not be mentioning husbands and children, even though they have both, and their friends lists will comprise mostly of younger men between twenty-five and thirty-five.

Without exception, their profile pic folder will include several “gig” shots of them in jeans, wearing tank tops that show off their embarrassingly pert breasts and their Buddhist Pali Prayer tattoo that blesses their enemies and prays for the wild locked in cages.

But the best way to pick these women out of the crowd is that they are desperately trying to appear musically hip.

Hipster Cougars are all listening to the latest in Indie music, and the more obscure, the better. They will go to great lengths to gather as much of this music as they can while having to listen to as little of it as possible.

They will fake an interest in whatever the latest band to grace the cover of Pitchfork, wear Wild Beasts and Kills T-shirts and take many pictures of them for their social media site holding the latest CD purchased at the coolest local CD store.

What should be known is that when they clean their houses on the weekend, they have Abba, Duran Duran or Rocky Horror Picture show soundtrack playing.

Women who love romance novels are not into denial. They are aware that they are escaping. They don’t trick themselves with their own bullshit. They don’t think that just because they can flirt with a twenty-five year old on-line, that they can really run off with him and their two children under eight.

Because men will faux spiritualise

2011-08-20T05:48:00.000-07:00

Now usually, this is the woman’s domain. Astrology, numerology, runes, tarot, astral travel, crystals, incense, Oprah – you name it, women have co-opted it as a spiritual breakthrough.

But what about the men?

This happens people. It really does. Men will adopt the spiritualist path. I couldn't work out the motivation behind this. It has to be the worst way to get laid I have ever seen – and anyway you only get to sleep with women called Moonbeam who like to lay back and let the “sunshine” do the work – and therefore I could only assume it to be part of the ego drive for men. But which part?

Power.

Bingo.

Yes, men will use spirituality to gain power over people.

Of course! It was in front of me the whole time.

Usually, spirituality means letting go of the self and embracing something larger. But not so with faux spiritualists. From the psychic who thinks he can cure cancer through to the Preacher getting rich of the sale of tickets to heaven, men will use spirituality to gain power over others.

Now I may be old fashioned – but isn’t that a contradiction in motivations?

Not with Sayings like the following: (these are all actual quotes from spiritualists of different kinds)

Believing I know nothing seems to help me understand everything

God helps those who help themselves

Everybody has a little bit of Watergate in him.

It's not listed in the Bible, but my spiritual gift, my specific calling from God, is to be a television talk-show host.

It seems that where God will not come to your aid on the golf course, during natural emergencies, or if your suffering has any trace of guilt. However, if you want power, to take people's money, or to be a talk show host - he's right there at your mercy.

In romance novels spirituality is a clichéd safety zone that questions little and magically heals everything. No wonder intelligent women flock to it in droves.

The 10 worst cleaning habits of women

2011-08-17T12:54:00.000-07:00

Men don't so as much housework as women. Or so the theory goes.

While I agree this has a lot to do with men refusing, I must acknowledge that women have their own rile to play in this anomaly.

Women like to control the house. Its not just about power over others, it is also about power over themselves.

Controlling the shopping means you can administer any diets you are on. Keeping the house clean is one of the last power plays of a by-gone era. women are still allowed to complain that those around them aren't keeping the house tidy and this is still considered a legitimate complaint.

Then there is that whole female OCD thing. There is clean. Then there is commercial and industrial kitchen clean. And then there is the standard some women have in their homes.

Please understand.

You are not your house.

When we walk into your house, and there is not a speck of dust or a thing out of place, we think you have an illness, or at the very least a weird fetish. You are not giving the impression you are powerful and in control.

Ten worst cleaning / housework habits women have:

10. Ironing tea towel’s

9.Ironing underwear

8. Ironing.

7. Spring cleaning more than once a year

6. Cleaning the house more than once a week..

5. Putting things off till the housework is done.

4. Screaming at the family when they mess up behind you

3. Not teaching the kids / refusing to delegate roles

2. Placing linin away in the cupboard colour coded.

1. Matching the pegs when hanging washing on the line. (it will not dry faster if the pegs are colour-coded)

Top ten actresses of all time - Their ten then my ten.

2011-08-16T06:03:00.000-07:00

Why?

Because it’s always fun to check out lists.

Of all the lists that I checked out, these were the most often cited as the top ten:

1. Meryl Streep

2.Katherine Hepburn

3. Ingrid Bergman

4.Bette Davis

5. Elizabeth Taylor

6. Vivien Leigh

7. Jodie Foster

8. Sally Field

9. Hillary Swank

10. Susan Sarandon

What do you think about that?

Here is my own personal top ten:

1. Isabelle Huppert

2. Meryl Streep

3. Setsuko Hara

4. Judy Davis

5. Liv Ulman

6. Bibi Anderson

7. Vivian Leigh

8. Marie-Christine Barrault

9. Ingrid Bergman

10. Jodie Foster

That was really hard. I had to leave so many great actresses out. Do you have some favourites that need to be in here?

Because sometimes life is tough.

2011-07-24T06:59:00.000-07:00

I've met a lot of beautiful women who read romance novels.
I have talked with them about the novels they read. I have never heard one say that she felt they were accurate. Without exception, women are looking for escape from reality - not a dose of reality.
Why?
Because life is difficult.
It's difficult for women and its difficult for men.
But if men can watch a spiderman film without thinking they are really able to climb builldings, maybe women can be trusted with fantasy as well.
After all, life can get difficult sometimes.

R.I.P Amy.

Why I hate grocery shopping and therefore read romance novels.

2011-04-24T03:41:00.000-07:00

Why I hate grocery shopping and therefore read romance novels.

Ok so – I have heard that the woman who likes to grocery shop exists. There are people apparently who love fourteen thousand choices of oatmeal, finding their tampons next to the baby nappies , watching every queue move faster than the one they’re on and feel quite soothed to the piped sounds of Kenny G.

I am not one of these women.

I hate grocery shopping. I have a list of ten reasons why i hate grocery shopping and in no particular order they are:

1. Getting hit on by desperate single men. (You know all those crap 80’s and 90’s films where the men whispered to each other that the best place to land a MILF was the supermarket? They lied)

2. Getting hit on by desperate married men. (Just because we both arrived at the milk fridge at the same time does not mean we are destined to have sex)

3. My child turns into a banshee the second I enter the store. (Is it the air? Is the lighting? My son will toss himself on the floor, kick himself into spinning wheels, and scream the second we get through the turnstiles – and he’s 16 now!)

4. The blue special lighting that makes that lettuce look like Christ-made perfection that could feed five thousand starving Africans. (By the time I get home my lettuce has usually reached the state where it will barely feed us we are so repulsed by it flaccidity.)

5. Getting my car belted in the parking lot. (Every time - read EVERY time)

6. Trolley’s with wayward wheels. (I know they are supposed to have fixed this – super new trolley’s that aren’t possessed by a poltergeist – they haven’t.)

7. The check-out-chick or dude who has to survey all your purchases. (yes yes ok the diet shake mix does not go with the tub of double chocolate caramel ice cream, but hey – aren’t we sort of on the same team here?)

8. Other shoppers. (If there is only one other person in the entire store they will mysteriously have my exact list and be hitting the back of my legs with their trolley “so sorry – oh no, not again – so sorry” – PLUS they will be ahead of me at the checkout with twice the grocery haul)

9. People trying to force feed you product that will give you allergies, retain water in unmentionable places or simply make you retch. (Yes you have the crappiest job on the planet, yes I feel sorry for you, yes I feel guilty that the thought of eating your canned wiener makes me feel violently ill – oh fine – give it to me then. Great thanks, I’ll take 6 cans)

10. Deli staff. (So I’m short and I am never seen, so when I scream out that I want bacon and fetta it is for practical reasons and not a reason to have me removed from the store AGAIN)

Usually at the end of this kind of visit, I need a glass of something soothing and white and the latest and greatest romance novel. Administer for 30-45 mins STAT!

Why I love glamour magazines: Or, how to revel in your own masochism

2011-01-03T06:31:00.000-08:00

I love glamour mags.

No really. I honestly do.

I love them so much I tried – harder than teenage boy – to take up a job in fashion. I figured I had all the necessary qualifications. I'm female, and I like fashion. Surely that is all that's required.

Needless to say, I found the work vacuous and dull. Despite my passion for fashion, I found the constant talk about shades of pink (what IS the difference between lipstick and muskstick pink – analyse) and the general size denial of customers irritating. And my job was in accounting.

It became clear, after three gruelling years, that I was not cut out for fashion, nor it cut out for me.

Except.

When I was in fashion, I could write off Vogue as an expense.

I found (after I left) that it is almost impossible to purchase Vogue when it is not a tax deduction. For starters, they tested my IQ at the counter and found was too bright, so I had to force it down to double digits before I was allowed to leave the store with the product. This I achieved by telling them the latest article on Queen Noor of Jordan was the most cutting edge examination of a politician I had ever read.

(Incidentally, the IQ drop turned out to be useful because I did need the temporary double digit status to fully appreciate the mag when I got home; even if it did mean I stopped off on the way to buy gourmet lettuce, a bag of truffles and tomatoes that looked remarkably like bells and cost me a significant chunk of my mortgage payment.)

It is a remarkable thing, that as your bank balance and IQ reduce you experience a rise in status.

However, none of this accounts for the fact that I do, indeed, love these magazines. Vogue is the best, but I have all the flexibility of a plasticine gymnast when it comes to these objet d'art. Be it Marie Claire or Elle, I love their glossy pages and the fact that most of what I paid for is advertising. I love the airbrushed images I aspire to be like and the tiny trinkets that cost my annual wage. I worship the Anna Wintours' and the Jackie Franks'. I see myself in these pretty pages; if only if only if only.

It is here that I feed my inner masochist. I fatten her up on the rich chocolate of image and the tantalising cheese of good taste. It is here I feed dreams of things that can never be and revel in the belief that if I just had a bath and ran a mani-pedi-home facial, I too can look like Julianne Moore on the best hair day of her life after being dressed by Tom Ford.

This form of masochism is worse than the sweetest romance; a bigger let down than your husband after the hens night stripper showed you his junk. Here the clothes never soil, children are shrouded in angelic light and shot through a Doris Day lens, and the men lean against chairs in a way that will make you swoon. The reality of make-up stained neck lines, oceans of childish tears, and every hot guy being gay are miles away.

I know its not real. I know it is not good for my IQ. I know inevitably I will have to drag my pruney self out of my bath with nothing to show for the hour and half of hard work except for squared nails and fewer blackheads – both of which my job will ruin tomorrow.

But for a little while there, my inner masochist let me believe it. She took me over and seduced me into thinking fashion meant something and that I was better for it.

And she'll do it again next month. And that's the female life.

Because women think changing their hair means changing their life

2010-09-08T00:10:00.000-07:00

You will see this over and over again.
If a woman wants a change (and women always want a change) they will make an appointment, and get their hair done.

Why? Why does changing the hair make a woman feel as though she’s changed her personality? Is it that women are so shallow they only exist in the eye of the beholder? Is it that women are inspired by something new? Does it take courage to change your hairstyle and this makes a woman feel as though she can take on the world?

Hair has always been important. If you don’t think so, ask a bald man or a woman wearing the hijab. They will tell you that hair represents something out of the ordinary for men as well as for women. In the bible it tells us that a woman’s hair is her glory. I don’t know much about Islam, but I am assuming they have a similar kind of philosophy laying behind the idea of head coverings for women.

If hair has always been a woman’s glory, then how does changing it reflect in that glory? Does it imply she’s brave enough to mess with her image? Does it mean for her that her glory is rejuvenated. Refreshed and taken on some sort of new life?

Why do we do it? I can say, as a woman that pays a fair bit of money to get her hair done, that it does make us feel wonderful when we do it. Or rather, having dull uninspired hair makes us feel very bad.
There is obviously some deep pathological undesirable separation between a woman and her hair. Hair is only loved when it is obedient. Or, even better, makes us look like someone else.

In romance novels women either always have great hair, or have a wonderful hunky stud of a man deeply in love with her no matter what her hair looks like. In romance novels, women are free from the trials of hair... and that's another reason we love them so much.

Because men like to write on public spaces

2010-08-05T15:26:00.000-07:00

Tagging, my son calls it.

That weird thing that used to be called graffiti. Now, when I talk about men having a bizarre desire to write things (usually their "tag" which is actually their "name" which is stupid enough in itself) I am not talking about "street art". Street art for me is that things Banksy does, or Shepard Fairey or Invader (although it is worth noting these are all men as well). I am talking about that non-art-non-creative defacing of public property that ranges from the changed funny street sign to the dirty words written on park benches.

Now women have been known to carve their boyfriends initials into tree trunks... sometimes accompanied by their own and a heart... but that is about the end of it. This tends to be one of those blokey things.

Those who try to philosophise and glamorize graffiti will usually try to claim authenticity by being anti-establishment. Its status as anti-establishment comes from two main points. The first that it is illegal to deface public property (for some, this gives them 'street cred') and secondly, it is thought to be associated with gangs and it isn't and this gives the graffiti artists a kind of defiant legitimizing; Their total sense of actualisation comes from being misunderstood as something else. (In other words - they will have to continue to be misunderstood in order for them to 'exist')

Actually, graffiti is one of those 'college boy' acts of subversion like DJ'ing and doing lines at a party. These are banal, conformist acts of 'subversion' that are only shocking to middle class white boys who long to be mistaken as tough, wild and most of all free. graffiti is actually a rather ho-hum way of expressing oneself, unless real talent is applied - as in the case of the aforementioned artists - and lets face it, how often does that happen?

In romance novels if men feel the need to be subversive they usually do it properly. They take on an enormous challenge, or as is often the case in romance, they are fighting off the terrifying enemy. there is no need to rush off to perform acts that represent subversion just because they are in college doing exactly what mummy and daddy wanted them to do.

www.barbranvoac.com

Because women set up fake profile personas to stalk ex's on Facebook

2010-07-30T17:26:00.000-07:00

Ok.. now this is another one of those posts where the men do it to. However, men have such short attention spans that they'll give up fairly quick. They may come back and haunt you some time in the future, but stalk you for months - they just don't have the committment to such petty projects.

However women will.

And oh, they will do it for months - even years. I have a friend (don't we all???) who was on FB and of course some woman friended her and it turned out to be the mother of her husbands child about which she knew nothing. I think just about everyone has a story like this, or they know someone who knows someone who does.

if the woman can't set up her fake profile to stalk the guy, she will get a friend to do it for her.

So here is the bazillion dollar question. Why? Why do this? Why subject yourself to this sort of humiliation. No matter who you are or what you look like or where you are at in life, you deserve to be with someone who likes you. Why do women get SO hung up on the guy who doesn't want you?

And not just him, but the one who humiliated you and probably made fun of you in public (see previous post).

Women will underpay their hand when it comes to relationship. I mean think about it. How often do you see an attractive woman with a not so attractive man, then how often do you see the reverse? Women will sell out when it comes to relationships and go for the guy who is horrible to them or generally just beneath them. However, what is unthinkable is that she will pursue him relentlessly if he dump her.

Generally stalking is not just an ugly pastime, it's also illegal in most countries. It is unhealthy and damaging to all concerned. And yet, women do it. And far more often than we like to think.

In romance novels the women are adored by men who are always deserving and often just a little obsessive, without being ugly or possessive. When men are ike this, women finally feel secure and able to get on with their day. And that is another reason women like romance novels so much.

Because men think stupid is cool

2010-07-27T16:00:00.000-07:00

There are some things that men do that women will simply never understand. The best we can hope for is that evolution will take care of eliminating these things over time.

the things I am talking about are those male-centred attributes, objects or pastimes that make no logical sense but that men will defend their right to be, like or perform. It's not so much the object itself, or the behaviour - its more men's total fascination with the thing. A fascination that leads them to thinking it is cool, when it most certainly is not.

here is my to ten list of the stupid things that men think are cool:

10) tanks (hello! Tanks are NOT cool)

9) driving dangerously (self explanatory)

8 ) backseat driving (men call this giving instruction)

7) peeing contests / peeing everywhere (!)

6) killing animals (this one is dying out thank god)

5) belching in public (gross)

4) knowing twenty different way's to open a beer bottle (really, this is NOT cool)

3) soggy sao contests (ummmm.... like REALLY this is NOT cool)

2) making fun of others in public when you are embarrassed (we can see through you)

and the number one is

1) farting in public.

In romance novels none of the above appear.

www.barbranovac.com

Because women think writing their goals out is getting their goals done

2010-07-26T15:16:00.000-07:00

Because women think writing their goals out is getting their goals done

Ask any woman if she has or has had a journal, and I bet the overwhelming answer to that question will be yes. If she says no, she's lying.

Women love journals. I have mentioned it on this blog before. They particularly like them with beautiful or interesting covers. Women like to touch them, own them and write in them but more than anything else, they like to buy them.

And what is it exactly that women do with these journals once they own them?

Wy they write down their hopes and dreams of course.

And most women's hopes and dreams occur in the form of to do lists. That is, lists of all the things they have to do in order to become all the things they wish to be.
Women wish to be so many things. They want to be: nicer, smarter, thinner, have better skin, have better hair, have better nails, better clothes. better home, a better cook, a better mother, a better wife, a better daughter, better at work, better cleaner of clothes, cars and houses, better with their free time and better with their busy times.

Women want to get better at everything they do, and ultimately, the best way they can achieve this is to write it in a journal and then look at the wonderful dreams, come to life on the page.

And then that generally satisfies the yearning. Once they can see the dreams written out in black and white that satisfies the craving they had for their lives to be different.

At least for a while.

In romance novels, usually women write their hopes and dreams out in a journal and before they know it, the entire scenario has come true, but a wonderful man leaping out of the pages of a book to satisfy them, a fairy godmother providing them with the new man and the new life, or just a strange series of circumstances coinciding for them to have everything that they want. One thing you will never see in a romance novel is a long hard slog that takes most of their lives being the way dreams come true - because after all, this is about dreams, wishes and fantasies, not real life.

And every romance reader knows it.

www.barbranovac.com

Because men will reject a woman for what drew her to him in the first place

2010-07-21T17:48:00.000-07:00

It was Socrates who said the unexamined life was not worth living.

A man.

And yet men lives the most unexamined of lives, generally and have a lot of trouble taking responsibility for

One of the most common of these are the men who will be attracted to a certain kind of woman, and then reject her when they grow to realise that what they liked about her was not what they liked in the first place. This will particularly happen in the area of women who need men.

Inevitably - in fact i will go as far as to say without exception - when men are drawn to women because they want to rescue them, eventually they will get rid of the woman for exactly those same reasons.

Despite all the stereotypes, men can't stand it when a woman relies on them. They resent women who are clingy and needy, and who demand that he be strength for both of them. Oh sure, he can do it when she is scared of the spider in the corner, or if she doesn't want to change the lightbulb. When short bursts of masculinity are required, he loves the feeling of being a 'man.' However when a sustained support is expected of him, he will either run for the hills or jeopardise the situation in other ways.

And yet, these kinds of women get men easily and frequently. Especially if she's pretty, they will toss logic out the window and fall at he feet of the helpless woman. And they will do it happily without any thoughts to the consequences or without any recognition of that little voice inside of him that tells him he won't like her in the morning. A crying woman, a woman who can't change a tyre, a woman wo can't read a map - these are all the women men will fall over themselves to help. They are all the women he will walk out on when she throws tantrum number twenty, abandon with flat tyres and make fun of in public about her not being able to read a map.

Men need to realise - and perhaps and examined life would do this - that women who employ these kinds of tactics to get your attention will always use these kinds of tactics. If they understood that, they may be able to prevent themselves from getting into some pretty ugly messes.

In romance novels men are men. they don't mind if she is weak and needy. If he loves her, he will simply be there for her no matter what. But for women, the heroine is as important as the hero, and so none of the women are needy or manipulative in this fashion anyway.

www.barbranovac.com

Because women embellish their accomplishments

2010-07-20T15:00:00.000-07:00

If men are able to get places without having to compete fairly (IE - they are rewarded in the business world all the time simply for being men) then women are guilty of making up lies about their accomplishments.

Look after the office on a Friday afternoon while the bosses are at drinks - that's called co running the office.

Land a job with a mate when you couldn't find work - that's called successfully starting your own business.

Hate dealing with facts and figures - that's call thinking so big you lose interest in the details.

helped a creative friend one night when they were struggling with their project - that means you really should have gotten creative rights you tell your friends.

The boss tells you he was pleased with your effort - that means he went on about it all afternoon.

Talk a friend through some difficulties in the afternoon - that means everyone always comes to you with all their problems.

Drive the kids to and from school and a friends kids - that means you should have a bus or taxi licence.

Get the idea?

Women do this much worse than men. Men don't have to do it as much because they don't have to do as much to get the accolades that women are craving that they didn't receive. But the women don't want to be judged by the actual accomplishments - no they'd NEVER get rewarded if that were the case. They want to be judged on the rumours they start - not on the results they achieve.

In romance novels women are happy to just be what they are because in the ideal state that is how every woman dreams it. Women, like men, are totally unprepared for dissatisfaction and therefore they prefer books where no one has to make anything up - they just live wonderful lives.

www.barbranovac.com

Because men think hurting yourself needlessly means something

2010-07-16T17:16:00.000-07:00

I have discussed on this blog before men's peculiar habits and the strange meanings they attach to them.

however there are few stranger than the actions that are taken in the name of machismo.

Lets look at a few of them:

- Doing outrageous stunts on bikes

- turbo charging a skateboard

- cliff diving

- running in front of stampeding bulls

- attempting impossible stuns on ramps

- wrestling snakes and crocodiles

- riding bulls

The show that properly represents these incredibly foolish acts is Jackass. I have yet to meet a man who doesn't defend Jackass. The amazing thing is not so much the defence (after all, this is a blog defending the right to read romance novels) it is more the meanings attacked to the acts themselves. They have a sort of love for machismo. Even though the behaviours of the shows hosts are foolish, there is something very special and brave about it.

A more serious treatment of a similar subject occurs in the book Fight Club. In this book the self-abuse is definitely seen as a kind of machismo; a reaching into the depths of oneself for a meaning that is never there and can't ever be there - but you come out of it a man.

In romance novels men are heroes the hard way. By choosing to take a stand and then taking that stand. they fight for who they are and they fight for their women and their loved ones and their principles. They are not men who are so filled with nothing that even stupidity makes them feel more like men.

www.barbranovac.com

Because women take revenge through sex

2010-07-13T17:11:00.000-07:00

In the ongoing ever-present conversation between men and women, it is always the men who accuse the women of being unfaithful. Women get accused of it in a way that men don't. I don't mean to imply women don't accuse men (they definitely do) but the way these infidelities are understood is very different.

The stigma attached to male infidelity is one of a basic understanding - well he's a male and he can't help it.

However, when a woman does it, the stigma implies there is something intrinsically wrong with her. The story around women is muddled. Women are supposed to want sex, but love fidelity (naturally of course) or they are supposed to hate sex. Women who can't be 'caught' for example are always seen as spinsters and treated as frigid.

So, there is a special place in hell reserved for the woman who cheats on her man.

As if following on from this, women will use sex as an act of revenge. Men don't tend to do this. they will sleep with someone because they want to. But a woman will use sex in this manner. Not all women of course, but many women will use it to pay a lover back for something that he might have done to her. And this slight can be real or imagined.

It's hard to know if the reputation came before the behaviour. But it is not difficult to work out why women do this. It is one of the few forms of power women have, therefore it should be no surprise to anyone that they will use it. I guess if you look at it logically, women have very few avenues available to them to take revenge. Sex is one of the few areas they are granted any sort of power.

Add to this, every man being 'unable to resist' every woman, and you have a power ascribed women, that although not necessarily accurate, is still heavily set in mythology.

In romance novels women don't have sex for revenge. They have sex when they fall in love with the hero - and usually they only have sex with him, and if any one else is involved it is with the consent of both parties. If women need to take revenge out on someone they do it in more clear and constructive ways. They don't use sex as a weapon, because they have access to other kinds of power.

www.barbranovac.com

Because men expect power without having to be powerful

2010-07-12T16:03:00.000-07:00

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
Abraham Lincoln

Men love power. They say it is to impress women, but that is about as accurate as the theory that women dress to impress men. Men want power for the same reason women want to look good. to make the others of their sex jealous. To 'prove' that they have come first.

So what is a powerful person? Almost every philosophy or theology you will ever read agrees it starts with self-mastery. However, men have missed this point. For them, power resides in the strength of their punch and the quality of their lie.

It is true that men are getting better at resisting the punch. There are very few men in our culture who would defend hitting a woman or a child. there are even men who would resist hitting another man, no matter how much he challenged him to a 'duel.'

However it is very rare - even in this day and age - to see a man working very hard to improve himself.

Oh, he may want to take more courses in his chosen career path. Or he may be into business books and motivational books. However, how often do you really see a man attempting to practise self-mastery?

And I don't necessarily mean quitting smoking or losing weight. I mean real self mastery. Like learning how to be nicer to his wife, spend time with the children, and above all fight the ego drives that encourage him to dominate and control every situation, usually to the absolute detriment of all his long terms plans.

Men have largely gotten where they are by mateship and camaraderie. Women know this, because we have so much trouble getting through the 'glass ceiling' and being paid the same for equal work. In only very rare exceptions do you see men getting somewhere through intense self-examination, life changing decisions and a challenging of their own ego. It is a very rare man who will not argue in FAVOUR of his precious ego. Why? Because it is the very key that convinces other men to elevate him, or get him something that he wants. His bravado is far more powerful amongst the world of the powerful (that is other men) because if there is one thing men want to see, it is the lasting enduring power of bravado. They will elevate each other and promote the most useless human being, all in the name of keeping the faith in their egos alive.

In romance novels all the heros are powerful. And they are that good old-fashioned kind of powerful. they are powerful in that they self examine and they allow themselves to grow. Usually they will allow themselves to be transformed by the love of their fine woman. And tat is another reason why women love them so much.

www.barbranovac.com

Because older women turn on younger women

2010-07-08T16:22:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately the list is long and tiresome.

But here are two classic examples of women - feminists in their youth - who have turned rabidly against women in their old age.

Dr Laura Schlesinger and Bettina Arndt are just two. I could mention more, but these two women will give you a good idea of what I'm talking about. The first has written a book called "The proper care and feeding of husbands" (trying to convince women that a good meal will change their man) and the second has just written an article in the main stream Australian press claiming that an unmarried, childless female prime minister in Australia is a bad influence on women. (I kid you not)

Now, it's not that these women aren't entitled to their opinion. I am emphatically against misogyny, but misogyny is not as bad as refusing someone the right to speak. I may hate what they say, but I will defend their right to say it. However, both these women were feminists when they were younger (in other words - freedom was good in THEIR youth but they don't want it for the younger women of today - or they're jealous of how much freedom women might be gaining today) and my really big problem with this is...

Can you think of a male equivalent?

I can't.

Can you think of a man who, now in his 'twilight' years is openly coming out and attacking the way younger men are living their lives? No. That's because there aren't any.

Now there are plenty of older men openly criticising WOMEN - they have always existed. I am talking about this bitchy snarling thing that older women do to younger women. Men just don't do this to each other.

It seems Dr Laura left "Publicly and privately backstabbing each other" out of her list of ten stupid things women do to mess up their lives.

One of the most important thing a woman can do for herself is learn to love other women. And not just the women who are behaving in a way YOU think is appropriate. Men may not have warm feelings for every man they know, but they have an underlying respect for each other that very few women have.

A lot of this has to do with the universal hatred of women. These women are exhibiting a public hatred of women. Now, I am not against open and honest debate, but telling women that if you follow the patterns of the fifties housewife has been shown to lead women down destructive paths that are very bad for them. Laura suggests in her authors note in The Proper care and feeding of Husbands, that women wanting to go on vacation without their husbands, or wanting to refuse sex because they are upset are some how not showing concern for "the guy that goes out and slays dragons for her and their child every day". Of course the fact that SHE has been slaying dragons for the family as well, is irrelevant.

I'm sorry, what's wrong with a woman wanting to go on a vacation without her husband? As long as he is free to as well, I really don't see why she has her knickers in a knot over this one.

But then that is it isn't it? s usual there is no rationality behind any of this. it is all pumped out by some sort of latent weirdness about what they used to be when they were young and what they are now. When men get conservative in their old age, they make money and vote right-wing. When women get conservative in their old age, they attack younger women.

In romance novels the only person the heroine can rely on as much as - and sometimes more than - her hero, is the unfailing, supportive perfect best friend. Women loveingly paint this person in their books just as much as they paint the fantasy hero. She is loyal, upright and true. She doesn't try to steal your man, she is there for you and she supports you. And that is another reason women love these books so much.

www.barbranovac.com

...here's the ad mentioned in the post below.

2010-07-05T15:00:00.000-07:00

Because men have no sense of humour

2010-07-05T14:53:00.000-07:00

There was an ad campaign in this country a few years back that was very successful. It's task was to encourage men (younger men particularly) to slow down. Several shots of men racing off at lights or speeding to impress girls, were met with witnesses holding up their pinkie fingers in response. This symbol indicates the witness things the guy must have a really small dick in order to be acting that way.

After the ad was on for a while, a report aired on the radio of a distressing case of road rage. A man attacked a woman's car with a baseball bat on a freeway while she was sitting in it, smashing windscreen, back window and making large dents in her bonnet. When he had to face a judge in court over the incident, the man cited as a genuine defence, she'd held her small pinky finger up at him when he'd cut her off in heavy traffic.

Can I tell you? Men can't take a joke.

Guys, if you're gonna put the whole 'aggressive-im-better-than-you' thing out there these days, you gotta expect a little backlash.No one is falling for dragging at lights, two-wheel corners or mufflers that don't work. The chicks your going to pull are the ones you are embarrassed to be seen with - trust me.

Driving dangerously has got to be one of the most stupid, 'shit-for-brains' way of attracting mucho attention ever. this went out with the 50's greasers. please get it through your head that public roads are not the place for extreme sport.

Or, at least if you HAVE to do it, understand that you will be made merciless fun of, with no apology forthcoming no matter how much you sulk.

For your information, the man who cited the small finger joke as justification for his outrage, was fined, had to pay court costs, and had to pay to fix the woman's car.

In romance novels men use their 'mucho birthright' to fight off villains and evil vampires, werewolves, bad counts, dukes earls and cousins. They never, ever use their powers for bullshit because women writers know, that inspires incredulity and mountains of jokes. And justifiably so.

www.barbranovac.com

Because a woman's expectations are forever defined by her fictitous first love

2010-07-04T09:40:00.000-07:00

I know men are all determined to be the first love for a woman. While I have poked fun at this in the past on this blog, there is an element of truth to the idea that if you get in very early, she will have certain feelings for you that will ruin her for all men who follow.

However, if a young man dates her at eighteen, sixteen or even twelve, he's probably missed the boat.

It has also been said that women's fathers define the kind of man they will want when they are of marrying age.

Again, while the father may be around at the time these ideas are formed, all he will influence is the man she actually ends up with. this will not be the man of her dreams, this will be the one she settles for.

The man of her dreams is defined outside of the realms of reality. And trust me on this, his influence will never leave her psyche.

He might be a hero in a novel (read Mr Darcy, or Mr Rochester) he might be a famous actor (read Robert Redford or Jonny Depp) he might be a rock star( read Elvis or Kurt Cobain) or he may be the image of a fictitious dream man who, even in the represented image of him, may not be a real human being. The current manifestations of this are Edward Cullen and Jacob Black - but don't be fooled into thinking this is a new phenomena. Remember Frankenstein was created by twenty-one year old Mary Shelly.

Women will dream forever and a day about the fictitious first love. And the more impossible, the stronger a hold he will have over her. The sweet ordinary man she will marry, and her declarations of love in front of her family and friends, no matter how sincere sounding, will always be a nod to compromise. A woman falls head over heels in love with her secret man and the flame will never be extinguished.

In romance novels you see the proof of this over and over again. the men there are designed mostly by women, and they may be very different, but one thing they have in common is they have very little to do with reality.

www.barbranovac.com

Because when men don't want sex it is considerd cool

2010-06-28T08:14:00.000-07:00

I just watched 'The Hurt Locker" which was .... well... it was another war movie.

But one of the things that struck me in it, was when men isolate themselves in sexless situations, it always has an element of "cool" or something beyond their so-called massive sexual drive. When a man leaves his wife and places himself in a war situation where (supposedly - lets not even get started on that one) it is a sexless situation, it is seen as really cool and STILL really "masculine".

This tells me that even stronger than the drive to hyper-sexualise every female in order to define masculinity, is the desire to reject every female in order to define masculinity.

Could you have the same kind of film with a female character? Yes, but she has to be a man - G.I. Jane is a good example - but even so it would never get the same cred that a film about a man rejecting a woman and sex in favour of .... an addiction, or power, or some other non-existent male fantasy, generates.

There is still something very 'cool' about a man who rejects his woman. Or sex, as this film indicates at the end.

Yes, we all know the main character is messed up, but who amongst us can really honestly say there wasn't a measure of admiration for him also? A desire to "be" him in some way. A need to emulate?

Ultimately, his power comes from his choice of certain death over sleeping with the mother of his child. (It is worth noting that there was a great deal of criticism for this film from men who actually performed the tasks depicted in the film. Particularly the lead character was cited by The Air Force Times as precisely the kind of person who would never get the job.)

If women reject sex they are considered prudes or gods police. They get described in ways that implies their vaginas and wombs shrivel up. Yet, when a man rejects it, it's cool and he's some sort of super hero.

Sex is supposed to be a thing of incidental pleasure to a man. In one conversation its a driving force (that is when he's in a domestic situation, he is unnaturally driven by his desire to fuck everyone other than his partner) and in other situations it is an aggressive pastime he will engage in off to the side of his real life goal (that is when he is in a position of some importance). For women, sex is supposed to be the centre of their life. That is being available for it at any time. She's no hero if she rejects it. (Even Beatrix Kiddo's main enemy is the man she slept with)

In romance novels sex is an integral part of all the hero and heroines lives because love - the kind of love Shakespeare talks about in Anthony and Cleopatra - the love that frees both man and woman from stereotypes - is the ultimate goal and healing energy for all human creatures. Men and women are fighting themselves to get to each other; and this is another one of the reasons women love romance novels so much.

www.barbranovac.com

Because women have no sense of urgency

2010-06-27T08:09:00.000-07:00

One of the masculine traits I have to confess to admiring is the will to win. There is something that gets triggered in men that sparks a desire to get ahead. Now this is usually seen in misplaced ways - such as racing everyone off at traffic lights, only to be caught up at the next red light (very embarrassing for said males - makes them look like total douches). However, that spark, when controlled and directed into something exciting, is the fire that almost ensures success.

This is something women have got to learn.

A lot of this is learnt on the sports field. It has been a problem in the past that women didn't really have access to competitive sports, but they do know and are working their way into that arena more and more as time gores on.

However, women still have to understand that life is made of many small victories and although I do think women are, much better at winning the war than men are (we live longer for a start, which has got to be the ultimate win) we are very bad at winning battles.

Women just haven't worked out yet that small victories mean a lot.

Partly this is because women have no sense of urgency. They don't get it about how powerful it is to give your absolute best to a project. Women will hold the best part of themselves back in every single one of their endeavours, only ever giving 80%. men know what it feels like to give 100% and therefore often wind up giving 110%. This is how the 4 minute mile gets broken, and then broken and broken and broken again.

When women work out that it is essential they push and push themselves, and that the small things in life REALLY matter, they will find that they can compete more powerfully in the day-to-day battle of accomplishments and self-love. For in the end, the only person who really knows that you havent done your absolute best is you, and the person who stands to gain from your 100% best effort is you also.

In romance novels women give 100% all the time, and the women reading it love this about their heroines. Women know they don't give their very best all the time and that is why they love to read about heroines who do.

www.barbranovac.com

Because older men get jealous of younger men

2010-06-22T15:43:00.000-07:00

This one bot sexes are guilty of, but what interests me particularly is the way envy of those younger manifests itself. With women it manifests as insecurity.

Wirth men, envy of the young manifests itself as denial.

Older Men will compete with the younger man in ruthless blood-letting ways, even when the younger man is his own son, and even when the son is under six.

There is almost nothing men fear as much as the faster, younger man.

But as I have said above, this fear extends even to their own child. I have seen this time and time again. Once a boy hits ten, his father will start to turn. It will be slight things initially, a faint rebuttal when the boy wants comfort, slightly rougher than usual rough-housing, and the teasing might go in a little too long if the boy catches fewer baskets than his dad.

Men have tried to justify this behaviour with the "old bull / young bull" theory. You know the one. That the old bull has his herd of cows, and the younger bull wants in, so the too have to fight it out to see who is going to get the herd. This is an interesting theory except for two glaring problems. The young boy never wants to be a rival to his dad and is attacked into it by his mid teens when he has been so harassed he is simply lashing out. And no man, (and statistically extremely few in history) have ever owned a "herd" of women.

Of course men have never let facts get in the way of a good "scientific" theory, so why start now. Older men will continue to find justification for attacking younger men, because they are not at all ready to give the pleasure up.

In romance novels the men are NICE! they are good to their wives and better to their children. That is the ultimate fantasy man, and one of the main messages of this blog is, it is not that difficult to give a woman what she';d like. You just have to open your eyes.

www.barbranovac.com

Because women think sacrifice equals goodness / salvation

2010-06-19T12:33:00.000-07:00

One of the most problematical issues in the female pathology is the one where women think sacrifice equals goodness. This is a way of thinking that will have a woman remain in a relationship regardless of its ability to nurture and feed her. That extends to relationships where she is being physically or mentally or emotionally abused.

An idea that women must abandon or at least find a new way to express is the idea that her sacrifice means she is a good person. There is always a question around the person who puts themselves last. It tends to be a religious idea that has sunken under the skin - that if your life is hard you will be rewarded - but women must remember these are ideas that get "fed" to the disenfranchised all over the world. Anyone whose basic human rights are taken away, are given some sort of "religion" to cling to in its place.

However, this is meant to be a lighthearted look at relationships and stereotypes.

The really interesting thing about "sacrifice" is it is rarely exactly that. A sacrifice is NOT staying home and leaving your dreams unfed so you can nurture your children's dreams. Sacrifice is NOT cooking his favourite meals and cleaning his house every day so that he brings home his hard-earned pay check and gives it to you. Sacrifice is NOT letting someone walk all over you because you are too afraid to stand up to them.

These so-called sacrifices (that women specialise in) are more about coming up with excuses for giving in to fear. When women refuse to take responsibility for their own needs, it is not called sacrifice, it is simply bowing to a fear that everyone who has to press themselves into a dream experiences. it is always scary when you have to push yourself into unknown territory and it is no sacrifice when you use another person (especially a dependant) as an excuse to not do it.

However, what REALLY is unacceptable is the claim to superiority that women will attempt because they have "sacrificed" themselves for their "loved ones". its bad enough to use the people around you to not care for yourself and your needs, but to claim you are better than them because of this, is simply gross. And this is what "sacrifice" usually leads to. because it is usually based on an inauthenticity, it needs to keep feeding itself with more and more puffed up self-aggrandizing, so the sacrificer never has to confront their own demons.

And no one does this as well as the women. they are the original and the absolute best Martyrs.

In romance novels women are usually self expressed in some way. Even if they are "sacrificing" some aspect of themselves this is addressed in the novel and eventually overcome. T me this tells us that deep down women do know that sacrifice rarely benefits anyone, but the sacrificer.

www.barbranovac.com

Because men fake caring

2010-06-16T14:58:00.000-07:00

When you care about another person, its means you apply empathy. You put yourself in their position and you give that some thought. If you are a very good carer, you will wonder how you would react in such a situation. And if you are a great, amazing carer, you will examine the person you are empathizing with and see if you can work out why THEY might be reacting the way they are.

Mythology implies women can do this better, easily, and with more pleasure than men. However, like the myth that states they don't feel pain as much as men do (don't you love that one? It's to get around being sympathetic about the pain of child-birth) it can't be scientifically proven because it simply isn't true. The reason women show more empathy is they've been taught how to put themselves aside for someone else every now and then.

Men can't understand this idea. Actually, let me re-phrase that. They certainly understand the idea well enough when empathy is NOT being shown to them. Men think that caring is about going through the motions. Or worse, offering half-baked, half-assed "solutions" till the miserable person is so offended at the trite offerings they want the man to go away. At which point he gets to shrug his shoulders, claim he tried and carry on about mens inability to empathise.

Actually, men are taught that showing too much concern for another person (even your child) is to lose a position of superiority. Exactly what superiority they're fighting for, is not clear. What race they're running when they can't feel for a six-year-old boy who is sick from a cold is not clear. All that is clear is that if HE catches a cold (read flu - men never catch colds) then everyone else in the household must force the world to turn in the other direction to a) feel sorry for him and b) find some way for him to get better - but only after his mother finds out and comes over with soup.

It is true that too much empathy can make you avoid looking after yourself (enter the woman's problem) however, for the most part, you're not going to "lose" if you just put yourself to one side on rare occasions and think about how it is for someone worse off than you.

In romance novels the men are very empathic. At least they are when they are "the Hero". Sometimes the men have to be taught about this by their women, however it is always a gratefully received lesson once learnt and it is always extremely sexy to a woman when he does finally get it.

www.barbranovac.com

Because women need to be told how good they are

2010-06-10T16:28:00.000-07:00

Women need to be told over and over and over again how good they are.

How beautiful they are, how smart, how nice, how friendly, how warm, how good they are at mothering, how nicely kept their house is, what a good friend they are, how good they are at their job, how good a wife they are, how good in bed, how good a cook, how hot, how good at their workout, how naturally talented, how intelligent... and well you get the picture.

A woman's need for compliments extends way past the 'normal' desire for a little self-esteem boost. It is almost as if women do not exist, except in the 'eye of the beholder'. If that is true, then how they perceive you is important beyond anything else.

Why do you think women are so nice? We all know it's a sham, and that almost no one in the world is genuinely nice. But women will fake this one till the cows come home. Why? Because they can't take anyone thinking something bad about them.

the really difficult thing is being friends or lovers to women and having to fulfil this endless need. Over and over compliments need to be paid, because as soon as one as hit her mind it turns to dust and tortures her with self-doubt. Did they mean it? Were they just saying that? Within seconds of receiving a compliment a woman has turned it into nothing but an attempt to curry favour with her. (Mostly because this is the reason she is paying compliments)

This can be seen as a product of low self-esteem, or of actualisation not existing within autonomy but in an external force directing behaviour. But on the whole women have really got to get over this. Dependence on any other for your self-esteem is doomed to failure. It absolutely will create a situation where the dependant can never win.

In romance novels women get complimented over and over by the lover and they at first doubt it, and then they quickly belive everything he tells them. if only compliments worked this well in real life.

www.barbranovac.com
Barbra Novac books available on Amazon

Because men shout and railroad the topic to win arguements

2010-06-09T17:47:00.000-07:00

"I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me."

Dave Barry

When it comes to men and arguments a little goes a very long way. Because all men secretly think they are geniuses, they will usually try to solidly this in dinner party history with the don't-back-down n0-holes-barred dinning table argument. usually certain things are essential for the success of this. They have to care a lot about the topic, but not know very much about the topic, they have to win and someone (preferably female) has to end in tears. Topics often go hand in hand with the amount of recreational drug consumed and are usually on nights when the man is pretty sure he wasn't going to get laid anyway. Topics can range from the actual living conditions in Abu Graib to the real point of Diane Arbus' art work. As long as few people know much about it, but have a strong opinion regardless, the setting is available for the man who likes to win these kinds of arguments.

When everything is in place the scene is set. Once the arguments have been going for a while and they move into the interrupting each other phase this kind of man is ready wit his weapons of choice. Do not be fooled into thinking these comments have anything to do with research, information or accuracy. They will all be conjecture, paper-thin arguments that a ten-year old child can tear their way through.

However, what their opponent does not count on is the way they can shout over the top of people, make snide comments that imply things about their opponents intelligence and cut off their opponent before they have had a chance to properly complete a sentence. With this arsenal, they can 'win' any argument.

I have a RL friend who is so much one of these men that he actually laments the arrival of iPhones and blackberry's because they connect one to the net immediately and pointless arguments can be solved too rapidly with facts.

I do have to add, women are getting to be this tiresome with the onset of feminism as well. Nice how with opportunity, the oppressed pick up the bad habits of the oppressor before they work out the good.

In romance novels any man who behaved like the above would be a terrible villain and would get it in the end eventually. Just the way the world should be.

Because women use sex to boost their self esteem

2010-06-08T13:59:00.000-07:00

I've visited this idea in other ways on this blog, but it still strikes me as a difficult one.

I went to see Catherine Millet at the writers festival recently. This is a woman made famous by documenting her experiences as a libertine. As anyone who reads my FB and other blog (www.barbrawrites) will know, I am a very big fan of Catherine Millet.

However, she said something that stuck with me. She said sleeping with so many men when she was young was useful because she hadn't accomplished much in her life, and it was a way of gaining credibility in a sophisticated world before she had achieved anything academic.

And in a burst, I saw the younger women around me in a different way.

Sleeping with a lot of men gives you access to a certain kind of image you might not normally have access to. Women who sleep around rarely (if ever) keep it to themselves. there are usually a lot of "girls nights" where their exploits are told in varying amounts of detail. This is to titillate the listens and to inspire envy in other women. I do think this as a lot to do with women sleeping around when they're young. We've always known it was because of low self-esteem, but I hadn't thought it might be to impress other women.

And yet, I think it is.

Of course, this isn't healthy. If you have low self-esteem, you are likely to choose people who just want you for your body, dump you very fast, have no respect for you or worse treat you like crap when they've finished. Of course this happens to many younger women. Caring men aren't necessarily picking up this easily or this fast. And this young woman has to get in and out (so to speak) because she's got friends to tell.

I have already mentioned women are very competitive. When a woman is leaving her friend on the beach to go and shag a guy she just met, then come back thirty minutes later - it's the friend she's showing off to. Not the guy!

Women don't dress to impress men - they dress to out-do other women. It's the same with the wild lifestyle and sexual "freedom". It's the women she's making herself bigger than. If you want more evidence, check out what sort of feelings it inspires in her friends?

In romance novels the heroines almost always have low self-esteem, but it is solved by the arrival of a Roman God (literally) who turns up and rescues her from herself, all the while panting for her affection and swearing she's she greatest thing he's ever experienced.

www.barbranovac.com

Because men can only have great sex when it's ugly or bad

2010-06-07T17:09:00.000-07:00

I've alluded to this one a few times before on this blog, because its SUCH a doosey! We know what it's called. It's the Madonna / Whore complex. We know it is a problem. We know it needs to be cured.

And yet men still refuse to do anything about it.

They want their wife to be chaste, pure, and faithful, and they want the woman they have sex with to be a sleazy whore.

And belive it or not, women have fallen for this and have tried for centuries to provide both these things for their partners.

Now, I'm not 100% sure why sex between two married people can go a little stale. Sometimes there are external pressures - children, work etc. Sometimes there are health issues. For all I know monogamy may be a sure-fire way to kill sexual attraction. I do know that it is a rare monogamous situation that doesn't have a dry patch at some point.

Usually when this occurs, a couple will turn to pornography. And because porn is largely made to satisfy men, a woman gets turned off (and possibly deeply insecure) pretty fast.

But he will stay. And stay. And stay.

Affairs, porn, prostitution, kink, perversions - you name it. As long as it isn't their wife, pretty much, men will think it is sexy. No matter how many men claim they wish their wives acted like a whore, it is their insecurities that have stopped women feeling sexually free. Madonna and the whore are each different sides of the same coin. One couldn't exist without the other. Each would have to make a radical transformation in order to live in harmony with the other, and if that were the case, then they wouldn't be the wife or the whore any longer.

In romance novels the women miraculously keep a highly sexually charged libido for the entire relationship and the men never get sick of them and never get soft. It's just the way of the ultimate fantasy world. (deep sigh) Who wouldn't want it?

www.barbranovac.com

Because women want men to change but resist change themselves

2010-06-06T05:32:00.000-07:00

Women are experts on what their man has to do to improve himself. These snippets of advice include: Be a little kinder, spend more time with the kids, remember the anniversary and would it kill you to lose a little weight?

However, when it comes to women, very few good men would offer advice. Sure men USED to pick on their wives all the time - I don't want you to wear that you look like a whore, you're not allowed to talk to that person ever again, You're not to work while I am the provider - but for those of us lucky enough to live in the developed world this kind of 'advice' would result in a fast divorce.

But can you imagine a man offering advice to a woman over the simple daily matters? imagine these:

You should try a cooking class to improve the cooking - or we can get someone else in to cook our dinners.

You know, you should be fighting harder at work for a promotion.

Read the Huffington Post to get an alternate perspective from the talk back you listen to each day.

I read this article on thrush and I thought you might find it interesting.

Do you think you get too much pleasure from bitching about your friends?

Nope - I can't either.

Traditionally, men have held the monopoly on the complaints about nagging. Women have defended themselves by saying is the repetition of a request not heard, or a suggestion ignored. Another area like this is the improvement story. Men love to complain that their wife is always on about the improvement thing. However, when I look at the opposite list of what a man might say to a woman in order to improve her, I'm struck with the idea that it's not the woman resisting this, it could be the man. Maybe its a 'nancy boy' thing to offer advice to the person you love about how to improve themselves? Still, can YOU imagine a wife who would take any of those examples and not be offended or feel that she was being picked on in some way? Women are not ready to take the advice they freely dish out.

Food for thought.

In romance novels the woman always changes and improves the man every single time. He will be changed by her forever, and so grateful for this transformation that he will give up his old ways and fall madly in love with her forever.

www.barbranovac.com

Because men claim superiority through falsehoods

2010-05-31T15:32:00.000-07:00

We have had so many of them. Lies that have traveled through the ages and they are all supposed to keep men at the top of the ladder, above women and children.

Here is my top ten list of the lies men tell to convince themselves and everyone else they are at the top of the pecking order:

1. God is a man

2. God made women second (to be a helper to the man)

3. Men can make a baby in their 80's just as well as they can make a baby in their 20's

4. Men are analytical / women are emotional and this is in the brain fuction of each sex (Analytical is superior to emotional)

5. Attractive women who are raped asked for it (and rape was once the natural way of procreation - that one really is a doosey)

6. Men are good at maths and sciences. Women are good at english and cooking

7. Even though men tradionally go out and work all day and women stay home, we still say the woman works for the man

8. Woman's greatest pleasure comes from having a baby

9. Men naturally want more than one woman

10. Testosterone makes you aggressive (science has just this year found this to be false)

Within each of these lies is an intricate web of deciet that extends beyond opinion to habit, and trough to legislation. Some of the above myths are still defended today and many of them are still part of the popular culture. All of them are designed to make men feel superior to every other creature on the planet.

I think the problem here is male self esteem really. If they need lies this extensive and need to build entire civilizations around them, there is a serious problem. A friend of mine and I were watching a program on the full covering that some Muslim women wear one day. As we watched the women walking around dressed head to tow in black, not even a glimpse of their eye possible, my friend said "Man, they must be so afraid of their women."

And so it is. All of the above mythologies are based on attemtps to counteract fear.

In romance novels, because they are written by women, the men simply don't have the above problems. Women don't properly understand this, as they tend to buy into the culture of lies and muddle their way through. So the men in romance novels are bastions of strenght and power and might.

www.barbranovac.com

Because young women never think they are going to get old

2010-05-30T06:56:00.000-07:00

This is actually a problem for both sexes, but while we live in a society that punishes women for getting old, women really have to come to terms with the fact that their cuteness isn't going to last forever.

there is little in the world more pathetic than the cute 55-year-old women using coquetry to navigate her way through social situations. Just observe next time you are out with a large group of older people. Watch the women use childish flirting techniques (batting the eye, giggling, squealing, shining eyes) to curry favour with men mostly but also with women.

Worse however, even than this, is the attitude of younger women, who use their looks to get thing that they want. And this is happening far more often than you realise. I know that beauty means power for a woman, but the thing about that is it also means you will lose your power. As soon as someone looking at you no longer sees you are desirable, you lose everything you gained. This places the beautiful person in a very dangerous position, and usually results in women desperately trying to look younger than they really are.

Women - and I mean YOUNG women - really have to learn to get power from other sources such as control over ones finances, career and self-love. The more you can do this when you are young, the stronger and more powerful you will be when your looks start to fade. And considering most people live into their 80's these days, and many "men's blogs" still preach women are starting to lose it at 25 years old, that's a hell of a lot of powerless years you're looking at.

Of course, young women, like young men, never think they're going to get old. Every woman still goes through deep shock when she starts to see lines appearing on her face that she never thought she would get. Older women look like that because they don't take care of themselves, they don't work out enough, they eat too much fat, they are too stressed blah blah blah she thinks. If a younger woman even contemplates about the issue that deeply, she simply can't imagine her face with the signs on aging on it.

Evidence of this lies in the numbers of younger self-satisfied women you see strutting down the street, taking pleasure from admiring glances from men (or starting at themselves endlessly in every reflective surface even though they are in public) and in the enormous amounts easily extorted from women by cosmetic companies delivering the anti aging promise.

In romance novels women come in all different shapes and sizes and ages. Deep down every woman, no matter how young, takes pleasure in the hope that one day her looks won't matter, and lives with desperate fear she won't have anything to replace them. Romance novels always assure her that in the end, her looks won't be the most important thing. And that's another reason intelligent women love them so much.

www.barbranovac.com

Because men pretend to take leadership but really don't

2010-05-29T18:21:00.000-07:00

One of the greatest disappointments for a little girl growing up, is the day she realises that her father isn't actually in control of himself or his job and he is not what we have been brought up to belive a man ought to be.

At that point in her life she will usually start to look to other men. This is a natural process - all children have to come to terms with the fact that their father or mother aren't super heros. It is part of the natural growing up and separation process. the idea is, one goes out into the big wild world and finds the mate who can replace that idealistic vision you had of the parent.

This usually works quite well for me because they are able to turn a woman into their mother faster than you can blink an eye.

However it does not work so well for women. Women come to men, subservient, willing and completely ready to be totally dependant, adoring and faithful, only to find he does not want that in a woman. however, if she dared to act independent, strong and free, he'd get threatened and not want to see her anymore.

What women have to realise is that men want to FEEL like they are the essential one, without actually having to be the essential one. They don't want to be te real leaders, they just want to boss their women around, and feel like a big man while doing so.

Men mistake leadership for getting their own way all the time. They will pretend that when they bark opinions and orders at the woman in their life or even their children, that it is because they really know best, but most men understand that this is not accurate, and that honest and open consultation will get them further and create more solutions to any issue. However, they don't get the satisfaction of being the one in control. And when it comes to leadership, the ego boost is really what they are after.

In romance novels, men live up to the stereotype despite the fact that it is forever out of the reach of the common man. The tragedy of machismo is that it is an unreachable star, but in the wonderful world of romance, we can dream dream dream that this sexy man exists, and in the wonderful world of erotic romance, we can make love to him. Yum.

www.barbranovac.com

Because women get plastic surgery on their vaginas

2010-05-28T17:21:00.000-07:00

So many different things have been blamed for this - porn being the top of the blame list - but I really think you can't go past blaming women for this one.

I mean, the frist question is why? Why on EARTH would you do something like this?

If its fo self-esteem, you'd be better to see a shrink. If it's for feeling or stimulation, you'd still better see a shrink. And if it's for the man, then you REALLY had better see a shrink.

I really have to ask, is there a man alive that will be engaged in sex with a woman he's attracted to, and stop, reverse, and leave the room if he gets to undressing her and finding out she hasn't had reconstructive surgery on her vagina?

The scary thing about this, is that the procedures women are having done, don't actually make them look more like a porn star. A porn star with giant fake breasts has a more "female" looking vagina than these post operative women.

That means they are not getting it done for their man. In the majority of the cases, the women cite improved self-esteem as the reason for getting it done. They can only feel good about themselves if a surgeon trims away any of their unsightly bits. (shudder) I really don't think porn and men can be blamed for this one.

In erotic romance novels there is one common thread, one line that you can always count on being uttered, and that is the one where the hero compliments his woman on her vagina.

www.barbranovac.com

Because it never occurs to men that she might not want them

2010-05-27T16:59:00.000-07:00

"I am not now to learn,'' replied Mr. Collins, with a formal wave of the hand, ``that it is usual with young ladies to reject the addresses of the man whom they secretly mean to accept, when he first applies for their favour; and that sometimes the refusal is repeated a second or even a third time. I am therefore by no means discouraged by what you have just said, and shall hope to lead you to the altar ere long.'' Mr Collins - Pride and Prejudice

Women don't understand this about men.

As soon as a woman gets her power - that is as soon as she realises she can achieve without a man - she learns how to be fussy about what man she goes with. Prior to gaining her power, she will be far less fussy. (This is the REAL reason men prefer younger women. It has nothing to do with biology or looks. The powerless female is the only one they can stand up to.)

However, even though this is the case, men still can't understand women who don't want them.

The sense of entitlement men achieve from an early age, makes them see women as conquests, objects, potential possessions. Even the most enlightened male will have his moments of seeing women this way. This doesn't make it natural, any more than the desire to live on ice cream and chocolate is natural, but it is a very strong feeling.

If a woman rejects a man, it is shocking to him deep down, and something he can't get his head around. Rejection is usually seen as a challenge, as a coy attempt to get him to try harder to win her affections. However, rejection is often sugar-coated because a woman is trying to get out of a situation with a little pain inflicted on either party as possible. Men are usually too stupid to see this, and assume she is still undecided even though she is saying she is not interested.

After all, she couldn't actually be rejecting him.

We are almost at the time in the world where the old men who still think women belong to them is almost past. Soon they will only be bothering other ghosts. However, some younger men with this attitude (you will usually find them on a sports field of some kind) are trying to preserve the idea that every woman belongs to them whenever they feel like her, so we may have to wait a few more decades for this dull behaviour to pass away.

In romance novels men are like this as well, except they are never the hero and they will always come to some horrific bitter end. Yeah!

www.barbranovac.com

Because women can't face Ex's

2010-05-24T11:25:00.000-07:00

"I don't want to be friends with my Ex.

It's like a testament to your failed relationships.

For me its like 'We didn't work out, I need to never see you again."

Miranda - Sex and the City

(This pic is taken fromthe HBO website which can be acessed here.)

If its true that men never let go - in that they always think there is 'something' between him and his Ex (like she still belongs to him really) then the opposite is also true - that women can't let go in that they feel 'affected' by their Ex forever.

Women will go to unimagined lengths to avoid bumping into ex's, from stealing party guest lists, bribing friends and faking facebook names all the way through to moving country, changing their names and lying about the birth of children. I'm not sure about you, but I think that's a little extreme.

Now there is the issue of how annoying it is when the ex male DOES still react to you as if he owns you, and this is one reason women turn the other way at the very sight of an Ex. However its not the most prevailing reason.

For women, the repeated bumping into the Ex is the reminder that her relationship failed.

As long as women judge their self worth and take their power from their relationships, they will continue to feel as though it is a personal affront when they don't work out. They will continue to see them as failures, rather than delightful bus stops on the highway of their life.

This one strikes a chord with me. I have Ex's that I never see, I have two Ex's that I see because they have both worked really hard to calm me down so they can stay in my life and I have an Ex that I bump into endlessly who never sees me because I see him first.

Even after writing this post, even when I feel more and more confident in my life and my choices, even as I get prouder and prouder of my accomplishments, I will still hide behind a bunch of lowers in the local grocer when I next spot that particular Ex walking down the street toward me.

So maybe I'm wrong about the reasons? Maybe we just don't want to stand in front of someone whose seen us naked?

In romance novels Ex's are usually done away with in convenient ways because they are always, without exception, evil beyond compare. Come to think of it, If you heard me discuss my Ex's in public, you'd probably think they were all evil beyond compare. Maybe that's the real reason we don't want to bump into our Ex's and another reason we love romance novels so much.

www.barbranovac.com

Because men think putting your life in danger is brave

2010-05-22T16:58:00.000-07:00

Putting your life in danger is very rarely brave.

In a culture that has a strange and disjointed relationship with death, there are fewer opportunities to engage with death than men think.

There are very few people in our western culture - if any - who are actually in touch with their own impending death. If you are religious in any way, you think there is an afterlife and death is not the end. Even if you are not religious at all, it is not until much later in life and the physical manifestation of some evidence that we even start to think we may die. Till then it is all denial.

Therefore, most of the young men doing death-defying acts, don't think they are going to get hurt.

Which is my point. Really, when you have no reality around death; when it's all a theory and you don't think it will ever happen to you, bungee jumping or rapid surfing isn't actually a brush with death. Therefore, it isn't that brave. So all those teenage boys in cars driving at full pelt after three am are not brave. They're stupid.

My top five things that men do that they think are brave that are really just stupid are:

1. Bungee jumping

2. Shark Diving

3. Racing street cars late at night on public roads

4. skateboarding down main busy streets

5. Rock diving

And that's just a few of the dumb things many guys will go through in order to look "brave" to their mates.

In romance novels the men / heres are always confronted by real problems, real dramas, real possibility of death, so heroism is real and people fear consequences enough to be careful. Women understand this sort of heroism and respond to hit with great affection. Extreme go-cart racing however, does not get them in the same way.

www.barbranovac.com

Because women think buying something intelligent makes you intelligent

2010-05-21T15:07:00.000-07:00

This has traditionally been a disease that affects both men and women, but these days - and particularly this day - my sisters are going to come under the hammer for it.

Ladies, just buying the book doesn't make you smart. You have to read it too.

That goes for the classical music cd - you have to listen to it; the pair of oblong rimmed glasses - you really should need them before you buy them; the cd's filled with advanced french lessons - it doesn't actually mean you know french till you complete the lessons.

Just as a man will buy "Being and nothingness" so that he can impress the girl behind the counter, women fall for this, but in a far more complex way. A man will go home and toss the book on the bed, feel pissed off that the female was in the loo when you bought it so the young man had to serve you, and now you're left with a copy of "Being and Nothingness" you will have to get into the bin at some point when no one is looking.

However, women will buy the book too. Not because they want to impress a guy behind the counter (every woman knows its only going to take cleavage for that) but so that she can impress everyone in the rest of her life. A woman genuinely thinks:

a) that she will read it someday (and she will never get over this)

b) and that just the choice to read it makes her more intelligent

c ) she's somehow joined the ranks of those who have read the book

d) forever stand in cues discussing it in loud tones when she has a captive audience but people have no possibility of interrupting her

She will do her research - look it all up on wiki - and then she will glance through bits and pieces of the book, keep it next to her bed and in her TBR pile for about a year or so, and eventually move it to pride of place on her bookshelf. In the future she will quote it as if she's read it, and even forget (eventually) that she hasn't.

In romance novels there is no need for women to fake intelligence as they are usually very bright (at least as bright as the writer) and their men love them so much they are thrilled to be discussing ay topic with them at all.

www.barbranovac.com

Because men have a packed staduim cheering them on everywhere they go

2010-05-19T18:49:00.000-07:00

This is one of the secrets that women don't know about men that I have accidently found out.

Every now and then - now more than ever before in time - men slip up and let us know what they are thinking. The male mind has always been an enigma for women. We've never been able to quite figure them out. We've been told that they're our heroes and they will rescue us from everything, but when we get close to one, the relationship feels strangely like they are just a boy/man and you are actually the one doing the rescuing.

Women have always assumed they were wrong about their suspicions, and men will use all sorts of tricks to keep women from realising they are actually on to something. One of the best tricks was simply not to talk. Not to communicate their thoughts at all. We women assumed deep and amazing things resided there.

And so we are introduced to one of my all time favourite little things that goes on in the male mind.

The packed stadium cheering them on.

Do you remember seeing little boys playing football, some other sport, skateboarding, riding their bike etc, pretending to the commentator as they go through the motions? Well, that never goes away. Men just learn not to say it out loud.

Trust me when I tell you, when a man leans over and catches something as it's about to fall - he hears a packed stadium cheer for him. When he finds a car space that was lucky, when he overtakes someone by going over the speed limit, when he scores a point of whoever he is arguing with or when he successfully crosses the road without being hit by a car, he imagines thousands and thousands of people cheering him on.

Don't ask me. I'm just telling you how it is.

In romance novels the men usually DO have crowds of adoring fans cheering him on. Either that or he is a moody loner. Either way, the most important thing in the world to the romance hero is the woman he is in love with and no stadium roar can rival the thrill of her voice telling him she loves him.

www.barbranovac.com

Because women want trinkets instead of love

2010-05-18T17:17:00.000-07:00

Do you know why women need so many external indicators of the love they share? I mean, we all know that love is all about the person right? And it is women who tend to be the most critical of this belief and claim to really be all about love…

And yet, when push comes to almighty shove, they want a material indicator of love.

I understand that this is difficult for a man to understand. But you have to cross reference this with some of your own experiences. For example, have you ever had such a great night out that you kept the ticket into the concert, game or the train ticket to the event? Have you ever found it hard to throw away something cheap, ugly and sometimes downright unhygienic because it has strong memories attached?

If you have had some of these experiences, you will understand why women need trinkets. It is the outward evidence of the love life. It is the physical manifestation of the relationship. Naturally, the more beautiful / expensive the trinket, the more credibility given to the relationship.

Except that we all know this isn’t the case, don’t we? We all know that the relationships are no better if the ring cost an extra ten thousand dollars.

So why do women still want the expensive jewelry?

Is it just blatant insecurity – like if the ring is huge then he really does love me and won’t leave me when I’m old and grey? Or is it just to show off to friends, so they get to say “wow, he must really love you to have gotten you a rock that big” or is it so you have something concrete to sell off in the divorce.

I’d like to suggest it’s all of the above. Maybe women are that romantic after all.

In romance novels the ring and other trinkets is never important to the women – and yet miraculously they get their expensive rings almost every time.

www.barbranovac.com

Because men think a bunch of flowers cures every problem

2010-05-16T17:31:00.000-07:00

Don’t get me wrong. Women LOVE a bunch of flowers.

However, not very much when they are used to cover up certain sins, or when they are magically produced in response to his own guilt.

And women can sense guilt from a thousand miles away. We can SMELL it.

Receiving the bunch of flowers is awful when you know that he has done something wrong. When he was out too late with the boys after promising an early night, or staying late at the office on date night, but the absolute worst is when a woman gets the flowers and she doesn’t even know why she received them. She’s not sure but she knows something is up.

In this case, and in the guilt cases, the flowers act more as an ever-present reminder of all the horrible mean things you did to her. They can magically remind her, not just of this current misdemeanor, but also of the multitude of sins you have accumulated in the past that you were sure flowers could erase (remember she’s keeping score).

Flowers are more meant to be:

a) Spontaneous

b) A sign of your love and devotion to her

That is really what the flower thing is all about.

In romance novels the men never get flowers by way of an apology unless the problem has already been discussed and he knows it is safe to do so. Come to think of it, guys in romance novels send flowers all the time out of guilt, however one thing that seems to always happen is they get rejected when they do.

www.barbranovac.com

Because women keep score in their minds

2010-05-15T17:09:00.000-07:00

Make no mistake. This goes on. Even when you think she isn’t doing it. Even when she says she isn’t doing it. Even when she swears she isn’t doing it. She is keeping score in her mind.

It goes like this:

“Honey, can you get more bread this week with the shopping? We are out again.”

Oh, he thinks we’re out of bread does he? Well he ought to try shopping at the store four times a week with a small toddler who screams at least ten times that they don’t want to be there, and he should work out JUST ONCE what food is going to be consumed before he is so critical, and how many times has he gone shopping anyway? I can tell you, there was the time with his mother that day when the baby was first-born, the sick weekend when I really needed soup (and that doesn’t really count because all he got was soup) and the time I had to go away with work and I left him deliberately with no food in the in the house. That is it. Literally three times he has ever done the shopping.

“Ok Hun. I’ll get more bread this week.”

Any man who reads that and thinks “no way! My wife is not that psycho freak” I’m sorry to tel you – she is. That is why when you sneak up behind her and try to kiss her on the cheek by way of saying thanks, she will push you away and you will wonder what you have done.

It’s just that she’s keeping score. She knows how often you change the kids diapers, how often you ask about her mother, how often you take out the garbage compared to getting it ready and she knows how often you have gone down on her compared with her going down on you.

This is why for most men, no matter how innocent a thing you think you have said, you are actually walking into a mine field when you try to communicate about anything with a woman.

In romance novels the men somehow, magically know what the women are counting and what they are worried about and they are able to preempt her concerns and meet her needs without her ever having to take responsibility for them and tell him about it. And that is another reason women love them so much.

www.barbranovac.com

Because men think they won't get hurt

2010-05-12T16:48:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed it isn't the little girls in the doctors waiting room with their heads stuck in chairs, their ears caught between bars and their fingers permanently stuck in fingertips?

This is because women, girls or adults, just don't do that sort of thing. If a girl sees a high diving board and thinks she'd like to take a jump, I promise you that if her casual eye rests on one out-of-place bolt, or the slightest evidence of a rickety foundation, and she is out of there. I promise.

Not the man. He will continue on and fall or make it depending on forces he's handed his life to.

I am not sure why they do it, but men seem to have a talent for the worst self-care common sense in the world. They'll happily toss kids off balconies into waiting pools, as mothers scream and beg them to stop. They will ride bikes in dangerous city streets or down hills without using hands; feet shamelessly off the pedals. They will sit happily under a car jacked up on uneven rock piles as they 'get to work.'

What, however, is even harder to understand, is why women love them so much for these crazy acts of irresponsibility. I can't get my head around it myself, but women do love men for their craziness. And that begs the question, who is really the crazy one here.

In romance novels the men are just as crazy as men in real life because women do love the spark so much. the only difference is, of course is the heros in the books are just fictional characters. It's the REAL men out there doing these crazy things that we have to worry about.

www.barbranovac.com

Thanks for the above pics goes to the dumb things men do post here.

Because women screw up public speaking opportunities

2010-05-11T17:38:00.000-07:00

"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some ... people out there in our nation don't have maps and uh, I believe that our, ah, education like such as in South Africa, and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., or should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for."
Miss South Carolina

Strong capable women who have achieved things often screw up the moment of public engagement. The above example is an excellent one of women not organizing properly for the moment where they engage with the public.

This is primarily because they are not sufficiently prepared. Plus a woman often thinks she can get away with saying pretty much anything in public and if she’s beautiful, it won’t be heard – or if it is heard it won’t be helped against her.

Here are some more brilliant things famous women have said in public:

1. «Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.»

- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.

2. «So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?» Christina Aguilera

3. «Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything.»
- Ivana Trump, on finishing her first novel
4. «I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.»
- Britney Spears, on Blender Magazine (April 2004)
5. «Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.» Mariah Carey, pop singer

6. «I don't diet. I just don't eat as much as I'd like to.»

- Linda Evangelista, Supermodel

7.«I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa.»

— Britney Spears

In romance novels the world is just the way women want it, and this means there is no criticism when they make mistakes and there is plenty of time to go about things and make them happen. She is able to give speeches and she practises for her speech over and over.

www.barbranovac.com

Because men can't have sex with women they respect

2010-05-10T18:11:00.000-07:00

“Why can’t you do those things with your wife?

Hey! That mouth kisses my children.” - Analyse This

Sex is very screwed up in men’s minds. For a group of people who claim to be crystal clear about what they want, the typical man's mind is a minefield of unresolved desire, confusion and lack of direction around the issue of sex.

Men have trouble having sex with women they respect. Now this should tell us something very big. It should tell the girls who think they can use sex to 'get' a man that your far less likely to be able to get him if that’s why you're putting out. And for the women who wait, it tells them they can expect to never have exciting dynamic sex with a man because if he respects you too much he won’t be able to do it with you properly.

This is the secret behind men cheating on wives. Forget all the nonsense about natural sexual drives. Men want to have sex outside of relationship because they can’t get that “thrill” from their wives.

Add to this the power issue – where men want to dominate women through sex and you have a messy cocktail of confusion and irrationality that has men in response to their emotions on this issue all the time and never taking a leadership position on it.

Men have tried to pretend for centuries that there is 'some mysterious biological force' behind this irrational behaviour, but it has never stuck – primarily because despite the millions of dollars poured into scientific research in this area, they just can't prove it true.

Can you guess why?

In romance novels the men have passionate love affairs with their partners and it never ends. The great attentive (and I mean attentive toward her) sex continues on and on for years – and that’s another reason why women love them so much.

www.barbranovac.com

Because women don't have to do anything to be famous

2010-05-09T17:02:00.000-07:00

I hesitate to mention Paris Hiltons name, because I have been recently educated on the inappropriate motivations behind slut bashing. And we can say she might not be so famous if her boyfriend hadn’t distributed private images of her having sex without her consent.

But what about Nicole Richie? Kelly Osbourne? Peaches Geldof? These women have not had to do anything to be famous. They are literally famous for being famous. Just as Suri Cruise will be.

Now this doesn't seem to happen to men in the same way. Men are expected to do something. It doesn’t have to be much – boy band, short film, some time running a branch of daddy's company – but all women have to do is turn up and wear a famous frock.

Which is irritating in itself but it gets really annoying when women start to expect that sort of treatment even though they haven’t done anything. Or, they expect to be treated like a queen when they have done very little. And suddenly we have – the princess.

Princesses expect things without having earned them. Princes don’t exist. This is strictly a female disease. Women think they 'deserve' simply because they exist. They are filled with entitlement.

In romance novels women aren’t famous for being famous but they do get things without having to do much to earn them. Because they're written by women and so many women think they are entitled without actually having to do something, women in romance novels are the same.

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Because men misrepresent themselves on dates

2010-05-07T16:45:00.000-07:00

I know this can be said for women. I know that women can be blamed for being something that they aren't.

But men are terrible at this one. I thought at first they were bad enough of the internet with lying about their lives in order to get women in, but this extends to real life.

And before you tell me it's just to get laid I come back with - I WISH THAT WERE THE CASE!

But it is a complete mystery to me why men will tell tall tales on dates when they intend to keep seeing the woman they're out with. If you tell her your wealthy (or give that impression) all that is going to happen is she will have to find out at some point you have been lying about that. So it is always important to come clean. Don't fake that your writing a book if you aren't, don't fake the place you work, don't fake the amount of money you have and definitely don't fake you have hair if you haven't! (I had my own experience with a man who has since courageously taken off the fake hair and is ten times sexier without it!)

Men will even (and this one is a complete mystery) fake not wanting a relationship when they really do want one! Now the stereotype is in his favour on that one, so it only makes a man look cool if he is up front about his desire for a relationship.

The thing is gentlemen, you will attract the wrong women if you fake something. Any lie to tell to make yourself look better will make you look far worse when she finds out the truth (and let me tell you she will find out. You can't hide a hair piece forever)

Men will fake that they have a lot of money and then get angry with their Barbie looking girl leaves them when she finds out he is not rich. They will get upset when the athletic girl leaves them when she finds he can't run a marathon - he can't even get around the block. They get upset when the social climber girlfriend leaves them when she finds you're not heading up the gold desk at Goldman Sachs. If you fake it - you aint gonna make it.

I think of them all, the worst faking is when a woman finds out over time that the man has a child or worse still a wife. Please gentlemen - these little facts matter, and they really belong in the first date (or actually at the asking out) moment.

In romance novels the men never lie about their circumstances (unless they're being hunted by a dark lord through time and keeping the secret is for her protection) but they may forget to tell her some things. These things always turn out to be his mansion, his mountains of cold hard cash or that he is the air to the throne of England.

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Because women won't learn about their money

2010-05-05T16:53:00.000-07:00

Women still, after all this time, after all the divorces, after all the marriages where they discover the white knight doesn’t exist, still refuse to get a good handle on their money issues.

Part of the problem is that women equate saving with being on a diet. They are depriving themselves and doing something they must do over something they want to do. It’s like you are taking something from yourself and the world is making a demand on your freedom to be yourself.

The corollary of this is thinking you deserve to go shopping. You deserve to spend some money on yourself if you’ve had a bad day.

Of course when they run out of money, the best idea is to find a man who can pay the bills. This gets them off the hook, they get to use their best asset (their body covered in the ‘right’ clothes) and then everyone wins.

Except for the fact that she is now in his debt and will be for the rest of her life, this is still the solution many women will look to as the end of their money woes.

Without controlling money, women will continue to find themselves on a rollercoaster ride wanting to be rescued and needing to be taken care of. It’s a difficult realization to make, but women have to work harder at getting what they want on a long-term basis rather than being satisfied fulfilling their short-term needs.

In romance novels women still have money woes but their man is always willing and happy to help them out with the problems and he will do it without thinking he deserves something back.

www.barbranovac.com

Men

2010-05-05T07:03:00.000-07:00

Why do intelligent women read romance novels?

Because men throw things in the air and catch them with their mouths.

Because men think they need adventure.

Because men operate in packs.

Because men think single men get more sex.

Because men love puritanical pornography.

Women

2010-05-05T05:51:00.000-07:00

Why do intelligent women read romance novels?

Because women won't play games during sex.

Because women will only do something nice for someone if they get acknowledged for it.

Because women won't date nice guys.

Because women need conditions to be perfect before they will engage in sex.

Because if you don't know why she's mad, she's not going to tell you.

Because men wait for her to do it

2010-05-05T00:50:00.000-07:00

Men have remarkable patience. If there is a chance they can wait long enough for someone else to get something done they will do it. Mould can grow over the top of settled coffee in cold mugs. Animal hair can lay thick and in the corners of rooms and rodents can completely decompose on the back door step before a man will take the initiative and clean the damn thing.

Often when women want to change the imbalance they sense in the housework arena they will simply “leave” something in the way of any movements so that the man they are trying to affect will eventually tire of having to work around the thing. The problem with this strategy is, men never tire of working their way around something, anything, and by that I mean anything at all, is completely better than housework, so they will go to great lengths to avoid doing any housework. Right down to changing toilet rolls or rinsing cereal encrusted plates, men will live with it, pile it up, ignore the smell and happily shoe away cockroaches for far longer than women give them credit for.

But it doesn’t stop there.

It is like this in the workplace as well. Men will avoid putting systems in place, they will avoid setting up accounts, they will avoid all the work that goes into place to ensure these jobs don’t have to be done again in a laborious fashion. Forward planning at the micro level (which of course ends up being a macro issue every time) seems to elude male sensibilities.

In the end, the woman’s idea of just waiting till he notices has never worked in my experience and as far as I can see will never work, and that is simply because of one thing. They just never notice.

In romance novels the men don’t let their own houses get to this state of disrepair unless they are suffering terrible bouts of trauma related misery, deep dark depression or are out busy fighting great battles. Anything smaller than that, and they find some way to keep their affairs managed.

www.barbranovac.com

Because women belive everything men tell them

2010-05-03T17:47:00.000-07:00

You may think this isn’t a problem.

But it is.

Because as we have previously seen, men lie.

I don’t mean they tell white lies. I don’t mean they stretch the truth.

I mean they haven’t learnt the real value of honesty yet.

So for a woman to assume a man speaking to her is the same as a woman speaking to her, is an enormous mistake.

I am not implying women are more truthful, just that they have learnt the value of allowing themselves to be a little vulnerable every now and then.

Men have not learnt this yet and have yet to evolve into an appreciation of all that can be gained by allowing yourself to be a more open just sometime. Now before you get all upset, I know there are a lot of men who are willing to do this and lord knows there are a lot who are trying and that is definitely better than it ever has been.

But just as women have got to learn to be competitive in a way that results in their own advancement, so men have got to learn this little one.

But this isn’t about the men.

This is about the women who refuse to listen to themselves and listen to their men instead, only to find out later that they have been lied to and that their instincts were spot on all along. I am encouraging you to be brave enough to listen to your instincts. To take it all in and find out a way to muddle through.

After all, co dependence is what you want, and being an autonomous individual, who can still love, will get you there faster than being in denial and listening to everything he says.

In romance novels men don’t lie. They’re written by women for women, and they are always the ideal man and that means he just never lies.

Because men still think lying is the best way out of something

2010-05-02T12:09:00.000-07:00

“Are you going to believe what I tell you? Or what you see?” Chicago

We’ve come a long way. Really we have. Things are much better than they used to be. Women are freer now and men are freer as well. People have more chance at self-expression and really, at the end of the day, the reason we are all here is to fulfill our own destinies in peace and freedom.

There are some little traces of the past that we strangely insist on taking with us, however. And one of those is the lies that men tell.

There is still a giant disconnect between the reality of life (as in what is actually happening) and the way men and women manipulate each other around facts. But Men are much worse at women than this. As we have seen before, part of what keeps women attached to the wrong men, is they trust the things they feel going on inside the man, while men are so out of touch with intuition, they think they can lie their way through anything, forgetting they are completely transparent.

It remains one of the most exasperating things for women. When you see the child in the man emerge, and you know that there is a wounded boy underneath, all you want to do is reach out and help him get stronger. But men are too stupid to accept their own vulnerability. They will push her away, and lie about how they feel, rather than admit for just five minutes there, they were a normal human being.

Another part of this problem is that men don’t understand women (and rarely try to) and use this as an excuse to maintain habits that are bad for them, prevent them from getting what they really want, or create barriers between them and their companion. They will think they have to sneak around behind their partners back (with other women, with drinks out with the boys, with pornography or even with eating too many sweets) rather than talk it out and resolve the issue. This is partly a lack of willingness on their part to be vulnerable, but at the heart of the matter is simply a refusal to change.

Men still like to keep their partners as their mother. They still get a quiet, immature thrill from doing things their mother doesn’t know about – only they’ve replaced her with their wife.

In romance novels the men are written by women on the whole, and therefore if they ever lie, it is found out and the integrity re-established. Once they realize the error of their ways, they never lie again.

www.barbranovac.com