Because men think they can buy women

In the news today there is another story of a man who gives a woman he is having sex with a large sum of money then gets angry when he finds out that she has gone back to her old life as a sex worker.

I mean really!

I hear men say all the time that women only want money. Then no one is more surprised than them when they give women money and it doesn’t ‘get’ them.

New flash! Money only buys you SEX! It doesn’t buy you love and companionship. I’m not saying that they’re aren’t women out there who will take your money happily if you have deluded yourself that this is possible – I’m just saying they don’t really love you.

Men have got to get this through their heads. Almost always, what men really mean when they say women only want money is  - I’ve only ever gone for women out of my league and the only thing I can think of that explains why they don’t want me is I don’t have enough money.

I know Hugh Hefner has grotesque looking Barbie's types and you can point the finger and say “see- all about money” but I am telling you, it isn’t the money , it is what they can get (boob jobs) with the money and so far, with the exception of one, they have all left him anyway. (Because like as if any woman, no matter how brainless, would really stay with Hugh Hefner)

Please gentlemen, learn the lesson. Women are not just after money any more than you are just after big tits. Sure, you like the look of it when you see it, but when big tits has put on some weight, is bitching about where you were last night, and is demanding you give up your internet porn, you’re going to start looking elsewhere.

It’s the same with women and rich men.

In romance novels one of the most common themes is of the woman who falls for the man and then finds out he is wealthy, when she didn’t think he was. In fact, this theme is so common, that it is very hard to write now, because it is a cliché. You can learn a lot from this. Women like to have money, no doubt about it, but higher on the scale for them is true love.

BuyTake It as It comes here...

Because women pretend they like sex more than actually doing it

"When you get married you never have sex again. It's true! It's one of the secrets that no body tells you." Sally from When Harry met Sally.

Get a group of women together who start to talk about their relationships and their sex life, and I guarantee you’ll get a 'Sex and the City’ style of conversation.

Women always talk and act like they like sex and want a lot of it.

A woman will say “I’m not that keen on him going down on me” and other women in a ten-mile radius will see this as the perfect opportunity to one-up her and proclaim to the entire world how much they love sex and how much they just can’t get enough of him “going down on me”.

However when it comes to long-term relationships, mysteriously, the sex part disappears, even though the claim that they love it remains. It must be enormously confusing for their partners is they hear their women during this conversation.

You will often hear women say “I need a lot of sex”, however when it comes to their day, sex is very low on the list and occurs more as a job they have to do for their mate.

Now there is no doubt that a lot of this has to do with their partners not being that great in bed. I can understand people not wanting to have sex if it means they have to put out and get so little back . However, as we have seen before on this blog, I do think there is a requirement on the part of a woman to be responsible for making it happen if it isn’t. Seduce the guy a little more and get him to do what you like if bed is not that hot.

Still, however, it is a mystery as to why women will still say they love sex and can’t get enough of it if it isn’t happening and if they don’t actually like what they do get.

In romance novels this is never an issue because every hero that she ends up with is the hottest guy she’s ever had and makes her totally scream in bed.

"This story is full of surprises and family secrets that will leave you wanting more.”

Because men don't understand why a woman asks for advice and then won't take it

'She’ll ask for your advice

Your reply will be concise

She’ll listen very nicely

Then go out and do precisely what she wants'

Henry Higgins – My Fair lady

Asking for advice is just that. Asking for advice.

It always seems to astonish men when women ask for advice and then do something different. This is primarily because men don’t know what asking for advice is. They see it as a weakness, assuming everyone should be born knowing everything already. When it comes to advice they never ask for it, nor do they take it.

So it comes as a delight when a woman does ask for advice, because they have a chance to 1) impart their genius (which they love) and 2) give her direction (which they also love).

But it isn’t like that for women. Women ask for advice because they are weighing things up. And here is a scary thing to know. Often, they don’t actually want nor need the advice. They are really summing you up over a certain issue. So for men, when a woman asks for some information, they assume she doesn’t know something and wants to learn. But for a woman, it’s a chance to see the other person.

Deep inside every man is a belief that he is a genius (we have seen this before) so it is perfectly natural that everyone who knows them should ask for their advice. It makes sense in the way they see the world. It’s not in the asking they are surprised. It is in the mulling over his advice, the weighing it up against other advice you’ve collected and then, if it isn’t the best advice received, rejecting it. This is what men can’t get their heads around.

Which leads me to another point. Men will very often happily give advice on topics they know nothing about. Because no matter how little they know, they will be absolutely sure of one thing: they know more than their woman does on the subject.

In romance novels women do ask for advice and they do take it or they don’t take it depending on the quality of the advice, and men simply say they don’t really know if they don’t. It is all clear and it is all simple. The people who give bad advice in romance novels are villains, and the baddies always get theirs in the end.

Because women expect Romeo when they act like Roseanne

So here’s the thing. You’re not going to get his best, if you don’t give your best.

The fact of the matter is, ladies, men are far more insecure than you are. Don’t argue! It is a fact. An ugly, horrible fact. Therefore, he’s not going to get hints, or subtlety. He’s too busy trying to boost his own ego. If you want Romeo, it’s much easier than you thought to get him.

However, you will have to do some work to create it.

Now before you build this man into exactly what you want, be 100% sure that Romeo is exactly what you want. Do you like his devil-may-care disdain for you? Do you like that he seems a little unobtainable despite the fact that you’re in a relationships together? If you do, then you are not looking for a Romeo.

If you really want to build something with your guy, you are going to have to put out ahead of him. That is, you will have to put aside your petty problems and work at creating this with your man. You have to employ tactics. He is simply not going to start treating you like Juliette just because you deserve it.



I know you don’t want to. I know you think you shouldn’t have to. And you are absolutely right.

But here s the thing. You are simply not going to get what you want by wishing for it, and you are especially not going to get what you want by grumbling for it. Romeo is the same as every other exciting thing in life – it has to be earned.

The first thing women have to do is act like a free wild woman. You have to be the kind of woman a man will give up his own ego for. That is a tough call, but that is what it will take to create a Romeo.

Here is the problem. Women want a Romeo, but they don’t want to work for it. They want their man to be so smitten with their beauty, or “that certain special something” (her Je nais se quoi” in French) that they don’t actually want to create something with their man – build him, mould him – what they want is to have him fall at her feet of his own accord.

In romance novels the woman is always adored without having to be anythingb other than who she is. She is not just appreciated, she is worshiped. So much so, that every hero is just a little bit obsessive, and a little bit over protective.

Because men think a woman is chasing them when she isn't

We’ve talked before about men not being able to flirt and thinking women are always hitting on them. These things combined come back to one basic premise – men think a woman is chasing them, when she isn’t.

If a woman thinks a man is attractive and approaches him to find out more about him, she steps into an emotional minefield of games, innuendo, and psychic stalking all of which she will be blamed for.

It doesn’t matter if her approach is casual, it doesn’t matter if she was a little tipsy and looked his way once too often, it doesn’t matter if she’s going through a bad patch and for a few days entertained the possibility of dating him, a man will assume she’s a stalker. he will assume she is besotted with him, he will assume she can’t resist his charms and he will ignore all evidence to the contrary that she may actually be at the birthday party for the person having the birthday, rather than just trying to bump into him.

In fact, the length and breadth of evidence that men are willing to ignore in favour of their assumptions is nothing short of astonishing. If she’s out with friends and she accidently bumps into him, he will assume it was deliberate, even though he had told no one where he was going that night. If she’s polite, she’s coming on strong; if she’s rude, she’s angry and frustrated that he won’t sleep with her; and if she ignores him she’s obviously burying her real feelings and anyone can see through it.

This is really the key to the point here. If a woman is partially attracted to a man, sometimes she will go out of her way to ‘bump’ into him. However all that is required on his part is to be a little cool and a woman’s carefully built lack of self-esteem will take over and do the rest for him. Those truly mad women who really follow you around (totally without encouragement of any kind) are very rare, despite the fact that every single man believes he has had one.

Put a group of men around beers at a pub and casually introduce the topic, and I guarantee at least half of them will have a long-winded story about the mad woman who wouldn’t leave them alone, that they couldn’t get rid of no matter what. You will have to pretend to be convinced by the shaking of heads, the sorrowful look and the protestations of “No no... It’s really scary when it happens. It isn’t flattering at all.”  But it’s the sparkle in the eye, the keen way the story is told and the flush of the cheek that I’ve away how much he loves that he had a stalker.  Of course, one of the main offender s in the perpetrating of these stories are the women who really do want to sleep with the man who is bragging about it, and therefore are keen to put down any other woman in a ten-mile radius that may be a competitor.

In romance novels a man is only interested in his own opinion. If he likes a girl, he will go for it. Everything else is incidental and gets handled appropriately as you g along. There is no need for a self-esteem shot from some poor woman who happened to catch your eye as she walked past.

Because women turn casual sex into something it never was

One of the complicated social scenarios we have created for ourselves (that has nothing to do with our survival – it’s pure social construct) is the way we deal with casual sex.

In our culture, if a man has casual sex, it enhances his reputation. The more women he sleeps with, the more he “looks like a man.”

However, in a crazy anomaly, for women it is the opposite (so one assumes society expects all these men to be having casual sex with each other) so that women are forced to deal with rumours and innuendo as soon as she sleeps with anyone. The ridiculous solution that women have come up with to this problem is to try to force relationship somehow.

Women are exactly the same as men. Sex is all about power and social conquest. However the path to success is far more difficult for women than it is for men. For woman, the ultimate conquest is when you have casual sex with a man; your self-esteem is very dramatically tied to his desire for you after. That is the ultimate conquest for a woman. So, you have the unfortunate end of the stick, where people are impressed by you if the man becomes desperate for more.

Of course, this almost never happens. And the woman is inevitably drawn into trying to attract a man she wasn’t very interested in initially. She is forced to pursue something she doesn’t want simply because of her self-esteem.

Women have to stop this. The only way to win a game that is designed for you to lose is to stop playing it. Women have got to do their own internal work – read Anais Nin, Pauline Reage and Catherine Millet. Work yourself out, and decide how you want to experiment with casual sex. Then and ONLY then, go and indulge in it. Remain in control and when it is over - it is OVER. Walk away. Save all that wonderful deep emotional intensity for the gorgeous nice guy at work who has been putting in the hard yards to ask you out for ages.

In romance novels the rules of casual sex are never the way they are in the real world. People who indulge in it never get to be the stars or the central characters. Men who indulge in casual sex always have their heads turned by the woman of their dreams. THIS is the only place you are allowed to indulge those sorts of fantasies.

Because men think it's a game when a woman says she's leaving

“And I wanted you to know

That I never understood.

That although you said you’d go

Until you did, I never thought you would.”

Don McLean

A wonderful young man I know well came to me once and said that he was worried about his wife. He said she seemed very distracted and she was carrying on about leaving and silly things like that. She seemed unhappy. We talked for a while and then he went home to her when he’d talked his frustration out.

A week later she left him and a week after that he was back in my lounge room, drinking much stronger drink than beer this time, saying over and over again “no warning. Absolutely no warning!”

This happens all the time. Men think when a woman says she is deeply unhappy that it is a game and the appropriate response is to treat it like she’s said something foolish or she is just being dramatic. In fact that is the usual response. Men just think its dramatics when a woman says that she is so unhappy she thinks she may leave. At least they prefer to think its dramatics than to address the possibility she may actually leave.

These days it is easier for a woman to leave. She usually has her own money and she can mobilise friends to help her out. She’s not as sure a bet as she used to be. The response you’re supposed to have is one of desire to do the right thing to keep her happy. If you worked harder at keeping her happy she will stay.

Pretending she is just never going to go is simply denial.

In romance novels the women never threaten to leave and they never go. One simple reason why. Their needs are being met.

Because women look at themselves in every reflective surface available

Egoism is a curse. Vanity is a problem. Narcissism is a mental illness. Total and complete self-absorption to the point of self harm and harm to those around you is insanity.

Women check themselves out in reflective surfaces.

And when I say reflective surfaces, I mean ANY reflective surface; the glass cabinet at home, a glass shop window, a spoon on a set table, the shiny surface of a bowl of soup, the mirror in a person’s eye and the reflection off a bald man’s head. Women can’t help themselves. They spent close to fifty minutes getting ready to go out today (if they were fast) and as if that weren’t enough, they have to check themselves in every single reflective surface they see all day – for what? To make sure the makeup is still good? Surely that can be done when you take a toilet break. Perhaps it is to check that you’re not bald, you haven’t grown three extra inches or put on forty pounds.

As if all of this isn’t bad enough, women will actually risk their own life and the life of a child in order to check themselves out in a reflective surface. (I say reflective surface rather than mirror, because if women would restrict themselves to mirrors, they’d cut the looking out by 9/10ths.  But women will look at themselves in the reflection of the rear view mirror while driving (not watching the road or the back of the car), they will stare at themselves as they walk down the street (and inevitably bump into people) and they will push past others to get to a mirror. They are ruthless, exacting and dangerous in their attempt to see themselves because a full thirty seconds have gone by since the last time they looked. The thing women need to remember is that you're being seen as you look at yourself in the reflective surface and you are being judged. You are not invisible. We can all see you doing it.

Narcissus is the myth of a man who stared so long at his own reflection he was consumed by it. This is what has happened to women. They are so afraid that they no longer exist (no substance) that they need to see themselves in reflective surfaces in order to understand that they are real and they are here.

In romance novels women don’t need to look in reflective surfaces all the time because they are feisty and fun and like themselves very much. Oh, and of course they have the hottest guy in history standing by them telling them how sexy they are all the time.

Because men nag

One of the issues between men and women that is rarely acknowledged is that men nag women, and women’s “famous” nagging is often retaliation for how much nagging they get from their partner.

The reason we don’t recognise male nagging is because like most of the ways that men try to manipulate and control women, it is covert and difficult to recognise. However men do it. They nag women about everything you can think of and women usually find themselves on a constant treadmill of trying to make their man happy because of his many and constant demands.

So how is this magic formula of nagging applied?

In the typical scenario that we like to examine in this blog, man is the primary provider and woman is the primary house manager, even if they both work.  Because men come home into the “work space” of women, and women need their help with certain things, when she asks for it and he rolls his eyes, she is assumed to be nagging.

She however, never enters his workspace as a person who could be doing things. So he is never in a position where the quality of his “work” is dependent on her behaviours. So he rarely needs to overtly ask her to perform a task that may have gotten behind in order to make the quality of his work shine.

So he reserves his judgement over her in little ways. He withholds compliments on her appearance or her cooking just when he can tell she is craving it. The more special a meal she’s provided the less chance there is he will say anything positive about it. If she’s made the bed beautifully he will flop in the middle of it and not give a damn about how messy it looks when he stands up. This kind of disdain and pretend lack of interest in her work and all she has done for everyone in the house is a chronic case of nagging. Wearing her down and making her feel like she never gets anything right.

The worst is when she wants to talk about her day. He’ll say things like “I can’t believe you still have that problem with that woman. Didn’t you just tell her to fuck off like I told you to last week?” when you try to explain that you can’t be that impolitic with your child’s teacher, or your boss he will roll his eyes as if there really isn’t a problem at all, you could stop it if you chose to act differently ad you won’t, so ultimately it’s your fault.

This kind of drip drip drip criticism compounds itself as a perpetual nagging that wears a woman down to the bone ensures she never feels adequate and her work is rarely appreciated. However, because of the nature of the nagging, she will respond with even more effort next time, trying to extract the good spirit from him that she’s been looking for all along.

In romance novels men never nag women. They are full of generosity and happiness with women, realising that people in a relationship just want to be seen, recognised and cared about.

Because women think flattery is more than it is.

Men, you need to know, that when you tell a woman she is beautiful, she BELIEVES YOU! I mean, she REALLY believes you. She does not think to herself.... “mmmmm... what is he after...” no! Homer Simpson is right. When it comes to compliments, women are ravenous blood sucking creatures that can’t get enough.

Now, women are not immune to using flattery to get what they want. They do it with their friends all the time. Tell her she looks great in jeans when she doesn’t really think her friend does, she tells them they’re a good mother, but only when they think they’re better etc. Women will use the false flattery happily and easily.

They also have an alive and thriving bullshit detector when it comes to the compliments OTHER women receive from men. If a woman tells a story about a guy she met in a bar last night who complimented her dress, a woman listening thinks a) her friend is stupid for believing said man and b) he should really see HER in that dress, and get an eyeful of what true beauty is.

I know I am being hard on my sex – but the desperately sad truth is this is how it is.

The only complement a woman believes is the one that is delivered to her. And when I say she believes it, I REALLY mean she believes it. Women do think they can bowl a man over and hook him for life with their beauty (after all women who have put a huge amount of time into their beauty rarely have more than that to offer) and they think a man can be their slave forever when he falls under her spell. So if you act as though you’ve fallen under her spell, she will believe you. What is more shocking is that you may not be under her spell. This has a lot to do with why you completely disproportionately ruin her world when you look at another woman six months later while she’s on her arm. She knows the other woman is saying t herself “Yeah! I am better than her, I’m hotter, I’m sexier and I can get her man any time.” (Because the other woman IS saying that to herself)

This is true for any attribute that you complement a woman over. If you tell her she has great taste, she will assume you have the aesthetic sensory perception of a New York gallery owner. If you tell her she is a good cook, she will assume you have the talent to be a judge on Master Chef. If you tell her she is intelligent, she will assume you have run a mental check, compared her conversational anecdotes with every other person you’ve met, compared in a detailed and fair way and she’s come out on top.

Women suck up compliments like vampires suck up blood. And if you don’t off them freely, they may very well hold you down, sink their teeth into your neck and try to extract them any way they can.

In romance novels, women are endlessly complimented in the most incredible ways. Greek gods travelling through time will chose them – not just over every other woman in the world, but also over every other woman through time. Women are absolutely worshipped by their lover usually for “just being them”.

Because men want to muscle in on their wife or partners success

“She’ll ask for your advice, which will be most concise

She’ll listen very nicely, and go out and do precisely what she wants.”

Henry Higgins

My Fair lady

One of the best ways to get your monosyllabic husband to start talking to you, is to have a minor success.

Besides a Policeman on point duty or a bouncer at a nightclub, you will rarely see the god complex and misogyny combine and rise to the surface as fast as when a man here’s about something that happened in his woman’s day that impresses him.

Suddenly, he’s an expert in whatever it was that you did well, he’s your coach, your mentor and captain of the ship. But it has to be something that impresses him.

Come home with news of a promotion, a success in a minor sporting event, a pay rise or heaven forbid if you get some sort of media attention, and he’s all over you like a rash with the advice. And it’s not just advice. These gold nuggets are delivered with command and force. He co-opts your success instantly so that it becomes his.  The idea is,  as fast as possible, he wants to be seen as the one who created it all behind the scenes.

Think of women singers and athletes in particular and I bet you can cite at least three examples of women marrying and then he “manages” her career. Can you name one instant in the reverse? Can you imagine a man having a huge success and coming home and taking advice on how to manage it from here on from his wife? I think not. (That day is devoted to the start of a battle between success and home that usually ends in divorce)

It all comes down to power and control. Success in our culture means power. As soon as a woman as some success, the man knows very well the lens that will be placed over the way she views him unless he makes himself indispensible and/ or finds a short cut to being better than her again as fast as he can. How does he know this? He knows because of the way he views her in his life.

In romance novels women never have to worry about men being threatened by their success in any way. Usually their men have so much of their own success that the better their woman does in the most independent way reflects strongly on them. However, occasionally they are not as successful as her and they just relish the fact that a cultured, successful talented woman wants to be with them.

Because women put themselves last and then resent it

I’ve dabbled on the edges of this subject before on this blog. The way that women will martyr themselves, cook lavish dinners no one asked for, then get resentful when no one is thrilled with the results, clean the house so that no one can put anything down and then get resentful when the other family members just feel claustrophobic, not grateful.

But this can go even further. This can go to the extreme where they will not care for themselves so much that they feel guilty when they do, or they actually suffer from different types of neglect.

At its core, this is a lack of responsibility that has a woman not look after herself properly. Because no woman cares for the members of her family in a self sacrificial way. No, that is just the outward persona of “caring for everyone else first”. Women actually DO expect their massive self-sacrifice to be noticed, acknowledged and reciprocated and they will get enormously resentful if this does not happen.

So what do they do? They continue the self neglect in the hope that the object of their attentions – husband or children or best friend- will NOTICE and wake up and give them the attention they desire. This is not about nurturing and it is not about self-sacrifice. This is all about manipulating the people around you into treating you the same way, or feeling so guilty they will care for you in some way! If not now, then maybe when you are old.

This is at the core of women’s self sacrifice.

The wife and mother and best friend who is not caring for herself physically and mentally is placing an unnecessary burden on others. Often, all the help she gives is detrimental to the person who receives it. See the way men are searching the globe for a copy of their mother they can marry – that is a woman who looks after him the way his mother did. It’s hard for a man to accept that he will have to clean his own clothes, cook his own food, care for his own children and clean his own house. There may be men who will do one or two of these things, but really, how many men do you know who are living with a woman and still do all of the above? This is because that wonderful self-sacrificing mother taught him how to expect the sae from every woman he meets for the rest of his life.

In romance novels women don’t need to martyr themselves for love or for motherhood or anything else, because they lead such exciting busy lives that they have no time for these kinds of self indulgences.

Because men use emotional blackmail to get what they want

 

I know it has usually been men who complain about this one from women, but it is true for both sexes in the way they deal with each other when it comes to relating.

Picture this scenario:

“Where are you going tonight?”

“Out with the girls?”

Deep sigh and looks back at the football game.

“oh.”

She moves around getting ready. He says nothing but stars in a moody way at the TV,.

“Is everything ok honey?”

“”Yeah. Why wouldn’t it be?”

“You seem upset.”

“did you tell me about this thing with the girls?”
“I did tell you. Last week, then again on Monday and then last night as well.”

Stony silence as he watches the TV.

“Are you ok honey?”
“Why wouldn’t I be ok? What is your problem? Just leave me alone to watch the game by myself, will you?”

“I left you dinner in the fridge.”

“I’m going out for a burger.”

And on it goes till she either decides to stay home at which point he will say its her choice, he didn’t make her, cause a fight and storm out after the game to go out with his mates – or go to bed early and roll over with his back to her.

Men have been using these and other manipulation techniques since they were babies on their mothers. Women don’t have the same talent for it, as we never received the same attention men did from them mothers. Men are absolute masters at manipulating a woman and then convincing her that it is all their fault.

The best one of course (as we have seen recently) is the jealousy factor. They’ll ogle other women in the street, which sends a very clear signal of “you’re not good enough” to their partner whose beauty used to be all they needed (I mean can you imagine what would happen if SHE got another guy to perform the male roles  - if he came home to find another guy changing light bulbs, fixing the car and mowing the lawns) and when she get upset they will  - and this is always done (mysteriously) with unnecessary aggression – tell her that she is insane and that she needs therapy, or that she has a terrible personal issue. Of course the reason they are even having the conversation is HIS insecurity.

In romance novels the men can still be manipulative, because women are bad at identifying this still. But if they are, their insecurity is always obvious and their lover nurses (and kisses) all their problems away.

Because women will attack other women in order to get in good with men

If the battle of the sexes could be easily reduced to men versus women, the ‘issues’ would be a lot simpler.  However, the entire conversation is far more complex than that. For example, a very dear friend of mine (lets call him Ed) is one of the strongest supporters of women I have ever known. I should also ad my wonderful husband in that list, as men who rarely if ever feel threatened by powerful women. I do think the world is making more and more of these men.

If these men exist, then so do the women who are profiting from misogyny. And I do not just mean yummy mummies and soccer mums spending their days in cappuccino bars or spending hubby’s money while the kids are at school. I am talking about the women who put women down, by speaking about them the way that men speak about them.

There are women who do this formally – journalists who get ahead by knocking feminists and other outspoken women in the media, or write books as apologists for me. Then there are other women, less overt, who use what they know very well to be dubious means in order to get ahead. These women are often found in male dominated areas, or traditional male dominated areas such as business, scientific research or as a part of large institutions. They will be happily sacrificing family while other women try to fight for more family time, or researching out dated theories because they can get funding easier, or laughing at colleagues wives when the men bitch about them at work.

The point I am trying to make here, is that women are just as guilty of keeping men and women from understanding each other, and acting responsibly together to gain what an individual needs for life. Women will actively get in the way of this process, even if it doe not serve them in the long run, for short term gain.

In romance novels the only women who are your enemy is the horrible one who is going to ‘get it’ in the end and who never ever gets the cool guy! Women love and support each other and everyone wants to see everyone else happy, fulfilled and in love with the right person.

Because men make foolish sacrifices for relationships that aren't working

This is one of those things that it often attributed to women, and yet men do this easily as much as women do.  They will hire an incompetent secretary because she looks good in a tight sweater, they will follow a woman down the street and try to talk to her because she has a tight skirt on, and they will stay in relationships for far too long - often because they are too scared to get out.

Martyring yourself for love has its advantages. You get to cheat on a partner and its easy to justify, you get to blame someone else for all your problems, and you get to us it to have others feel sorry for you. Men will often tie themselves to shrewish difficult women because they are beautiful, or because they feel that they look good on their arm when they go out. Men will stay in bad relationships just because they like saying “my partner” “my girlfriend” or “my wife”.

Men will often throw money at relationship in the same way a woman will throw unnecessary housework at a relationship. He expects to be thanked, loved and even understood because he has given her things. Men will keep doing this and keep doing this and keep doing this complaining all the way about how unappreciated they are.

In romance novels men take full responsibility for their part in a relationship. They may leave relationships but they stay only if it is good enough. And of course, they are always good enough!

Because women go hysterical

Here it is! I can’t defend my sex in this area. Women go hysterical.

They overdramatize and make a HUGE issue out of nothing, just so that something happens in their day.

I have spoken briefly about this before. But it happens so often, that Freud basically categorized all women as Hysterics.

Now, we know that Freud was prone to exaggeration. And he was also prone to broad brush stokes. But in dealing with women, I have to confess I can see why he came up with the theory of the hysteric.  Women do make drama in order to make themselves feel valuable. And then, if they don’t get enough of it, they will turn on their own bodies and use some sort of drama to dominate and control their own body. (Think of disorders such as psychosomatic paralysis which I didn’t think even happened anymore till I met a woman who has it.)

Originally, hysteria was believed to be a disease women contracted when women didn’t get enough sex. These days it is more commonly recognized to be a state of hyper intensity around drama. I am not speaking here of genuine mental illness, that I know to be a very serious problem. I am talking about general Freudian hysteria – the drive women have to overdramatize. Hysteria can also be a response to emotional neglect or some other trauma experienced.

Women have got to learn how to get their source of self awareness and self esteem away from the comforts men offer, because men withhold them when it suits them and that’s a fact.

Because men think objectifying a woman is natural

I often read, while I am wandering around blog land, men complain that “they are allowed to look at beautiful paintings, why aren’t they allowed to look at beautiful women?”Or “women just don’t understand that men look. It is who we are. They are not like us so they can’t understand.” Or a personal favorite of mine; “Ï can’t take my eyes out of my head, you’ll just have to accept that this is how men are.”

Now there is looking, and then there is objectifying. I simply do not believe that men don’t know the difference. They certainly have absolutely NO problem getting upset when their women “look”at men in a certain way, so they must have some idea about the difference. They can build bridges; get to the moon and back, and understand quantum theory. Am I really supposed to believe that they just can’t tell the difference between noticing something and objectifying it?

When you look at a painting, you don’t think, “how do I get that painting to look back and me and notice me looking at it.”  When you look at a beautiful tree, you don’t think “how can I have sex with that tree without my partner knowing about it.” When you look at a beautiful church, you do not love the way your dick is stirring in response to it.

It is NOT the same thing, and we know it isn’t the same thing. So please, stop carrying on like it is the same thing.

Your woman was seduced by you. I will let you in on a secret. SHE KNOWS YOUR TRICKS!  Therefore she can tell when you are admiring something as if it were an abstractly beautiful thing that you admire (flower) or a hot piece of ass you want to get closer to. She can tell.  Please stop telling her she is a bitch for not wanting you to openly seduce other women in front of her. And please stop telling her you can’t help it. She KOWS you can… because you DID stop doing it in those glorious early days (remember them) and she knows you can stop when you are committed and fulfilled. If you are not happy and you need other women, leave her and go enjoy them. Or if you are happy with her, then grow up and get your self esteem taken care of some way that is less destructive to what you really want.

In romance novels men just never ever ogle other women when they are happy with their partner. It just never happens.

Because women want male approval

Women will complain till the cows come home about how men treat them. Objectify them, belittle them, crush them underfoot etc. However, all of this is only possible, because women so desperately crave their approval.

Any woman who gets a thrill – even a secret one -  when a man stares at her breasts, wolf whistles as she walks down he street, or tells her she is really intelligent, is getting off on male approval – and it is an act of bad faith.

The only men who are allowed to give you compliments, are those in a position to do so, and when the compliment is genuine: A photographer taking your picture, a boss for whom you’ve completed a task well, a lecturer you’ve surprised with your brilliance, a husband you’ve done something very special for. These are genuine compliments that are directed at something you have power over.

Artificial compliments, based on your looks, your body shape, your clothes, and (this has to be my personal favorite) you’re “ability to think like a man” are messages to be rejected as people using flattery to gain something short-term. It actually says more about them than it does about you.

Women really need to understand this.

Seeking male approval provides you with short-term gain and it achieves nothing unless the praise is specific and unless he has enough merit to hand it out with integrity.

In romance novels women are flattered all the time, and it has no effect on their self-esteem or their ability to kick ass in real life. This is one of the reasons women love romance novels so much, but caution must be taken by readers – this is not how it is in real life. But then romance novels are all about the way the world should be, not the way the world is.

Because every man thinks he's a comic genius

This is a really big one. I know it will be tough for men to understand.

You are NOT all funny. You don’t all have a brilliant sense of humor.

There it is. I said it. It’s no  out in the open and we can officially talk about it.

For some reason, men think that it is essential they make women laugh.

However, think about some of the greatest heroes in the romance novels through history; Mr. Darcy (snobby serious) Mr. Rochester (Darkly serious) Heathcliff (obsessively serious) Rhett Butler (cheeky and serious) All the way through to today – Edward Cullen (disturbed and serious).

Women love obsessions, seriousness and a driven sort of manic commitment to what they believe in. This excites women enormously.

Jerry Seinfeld is not a ladies’ man.  Spike Milligan,  John Cleese... even Charlie Chaplin, who had a way with the ladies, is not one you would call a ladies’ man.

Joking about is a way of indicating that you are nervous in the situation, and that you are nervous in your own skin. It is a sign of a lack of command over your situation. And this, gentlemen is why the women laugh. We feel your pain.

If this were the end of the sorry tale, we could all just say oh well, it’s a nervous response to their circumstances and feel for them. But of course, it never ends there. Men, as awkward in social situations as ever, and with little capacity for subtlety, simply decide the women are laughing like that because of his genius – not their generosity.

Every guy at some point in their life has decided he would be a brilliant stand up comedian, sit com writer, film script writer, or graphic novelist. All of this comes from a belief that he is, deep down a comic genius. Just ask all those women in stitches at every social gathering he attends.

In romance novels the men are far more like the men mentioned at the start of this post. They are serious – even when their not - and they are committed and obsessive. Best of all, they are serious about their lover, which above everything else, is what women like to see in their partner.

Because women don't want anything

"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." Freud

Freud, the great psychoanalyst is said to have died asking the same question all his life and never having had it answered. His question is “What do women want?”

Now, without going into the total absurdity of it taking a man beyond a lifetime to work this one out, we must take some time to sympathize with the problem here.

What do women want?

If you follow existentialism at all you know that it is a philosophy that argues that you “are” your project. That is, the very definition of existence IS the project that you have chosen to make your life’s goal and that you have chosen to devote yourself to is who you are. It is your “reason d'etre”. Literally!

Part of the problem for woman is, that if this is what defines you as a human being, you aren’t a full human till you have worked out what you want and spend your life making it happen.

Do you want to write, paint, sing, perfectly balance books, clean swimming pools, make clothes, clean streets, build buildings or send a rocket to the moon? These are all valid pursuits.

However, what can never ever define you as a human being is supporting other humans who have taken the time to work out what they want from life. That is, you need more than being a stay home wife and mother.

Women will fight till the ends of the earth for their right to be a stay home wife and mother. And I will support them – to a degree. I will state, that you can't be an effective wife and mother if you do not have a private passion that you are also making real, because it is too much of a burden to place on your husband and your children that they be responsible for your hopes and dreams as well and their own. An excellent wife and mother does not do this to her husband and children. She makes sure she is a full and complete human being by being responsible for her own needs and this includes knowing who she is when she is alone in the house because everyone has gone out for the day.

In romance novel the women almost never simply stay home and clean for the family anymore. Once up on a time women could find satisfying work in this sort of role but not anymore and nowhere is this change starker than in romance novels. The women are feisty, with well rounded lives, lots of their own ideas and opinions and dreams. And this is why women read them – because secretly they are attracted to this sort of woman and they all want to be like her.

A new take on some old ideas

Women:

Because every woman, no matter what she says,  follows astrology

Because women have no sense of fashion

Because every woman thinks she is Carrie Bradshaw

Because women have cleanliness OCD



Men:

Because men always think women are hitting on them

Because every man secretly thinks he's a genius

Because men have disproportionately large egos

Because men think winning the battle is more important than winning the war