Because men think women are jealous of their penis

One of the most astonishing ideas a man has ever come up with is that women are jealous of his penis. Women, who have never had one of these magical wands, know how good it is to have one, and wish they could make one appear.

Like many ludicrous ideas that have no basis in lucid observation or rationality, but support a certain style of masculine mythology – this idea took off like wildfire. So much so, that it is still prevalent today.

The idea is that men think they are superior because they have a penis, and they think women are inferior because they haven’t – the penis being the one thing that separates a man from a woman. Women wish they had male privilege, therefore they wish they had a penis.

For some reason, it never occurs to men (Freud in particular in this case) that women want privileges based on their existence and their humanity, not to be actually turned into a man. I have never in all my life met a woman who wants to be a man, and with the exception of some brave individuals who feel they need to have corrective surgery, I doubt that I ever will.

But men can’t understand this. They are so thrilled with their penis, so amazed by it, so desperate to compare it with others and so keen for any vague opportunity to show it off, that it is incomprehensible to them that someone who doesn’t have one isn’t desperate for one. They clutch at the thing, eternally grateful for it; for its existence, for its distinguishing features and most of all for its guidance.

For a man, the most important thing about his penis is it means he isn’t a woman. But this logic doesn’t follow if the person, who doesn’t have a penis, isn’t desperate for one. So, despite the fact that no woman actually wants one, they simply say all women do.

In romance novels, the men are thrilled that their women don’t have penises. They are even more thrilled that their women don’t want to grow, develop or steal their own penis. They appreciate the physical difference between men and women and even take advantage of it sexually. They know that women are their own creatures and that they are not defined by lack.

Because women think celebrities are their friends

Do you wonder why women read those terrible gossip magazines? Do you wonder why women are so interested in the lives of people they don’t know?

This is because women actually think they DO know these people. Do you remember when you were a teenager and you ‘fell in love’ with the lead singer of that band and you thought to yourself – ‘if only they KNEW me, I just know we’d be together.” Or “I know them better than anyone else. I’d love to talk to them. I know deep down we’d be great friends.”

These magazines are an extension of that time in adolescence you thought that by listening to that song, that you could see into that artists heart.

Women who read these magazines believe them. They DO think the people in those magazines are their friends. They will read it then defend Angelina  and Brad by saying to their friends around them “I love this couple and everything they stand for. I know this article is a lie. As if he would be cheating on HER!” Or they will say “See, I never liked Nicole Kidman! Even when the whole world loved her, I knew deep down that there was something not right there.”

Women think they are reading articles and comments about their friends – not distant people who they have never known and never will. And worse than that, they also think Brad, Angelina, Lindsay and Princes Mary are grateful for their valuable friendship or that they are ‘aware’ and afraid of their knowledgeable judgement.

In romance novels women rarely indulge in gossip magazines. Gossip exists but it is generally legitimised and between people who actually know each other. Gossip does not involve people who live lifetimes we can know nothing about under complex difficulties we couldn’t possibly judge. And women on romance novels rarely have the time to devote to chasing titbits of information that have no foundation in reality.

Because men want simple answers to complex problems

Just as women want to overcomplicate everything in order to justify their ‘worry’ about it, men like to oversimplify everything in order to justify their lack of ‘worry’ about it.

They will also argue that this makes them the more rational, more intellect focused of the sexes, which of course as we have already seen, is not the case. The purpose behind the oversimplification of complex issues is agenda driven, rather than a result of a superior intellect.

It is against man’s interests to delve too deeply into most problems exactly because then they WOULD have to think hard about something. They prefer the easy answer – and they prefer the easy answer that supports their agenda thanks very much. Delve too deep and you come up with ugly things like logic, facts and evidence, and none of this suits their claims.

This methodology applies to most aspects of a man’s stereotypical day. Why does he need to propel a business forward before it’s ready to do so? His answer – because men hunt. Why does he get distracted by a pretty girl on a street corner when he’s stuck in traffic and just had a huge fight with his girlfriend that morning? His answer – because men hunt. Why does he eat a huge bacon and egg roll for breakfast despite the doctor telling him he is headed for heart disease? His answer – because men hunt. Why does he have a feeling of nervous unease all through the day that he fills with sports, and mates and alcohol? His answer – because men hunt. Why does his mind accidently wander to subjects like god, love and the nature of belief at the strangest times in the day? His answer – because men hunt.

Men don’t want the status quo to be upset, despite the growing evidence, the overwhelming voices in his head and the endless supply of rationality that supplies him with accuracy and fact. He wants to cling to outdated notions of belief so that he doesn’t have to think too hard, see himself clearly and ultimately, take responsibility for who he is.

In romance novels a man’s desire to believe himself ‘alpha’ according to stereotype magically does not interfere with his ability to cope with advancing science. A man is able to embrace science when it has been presented to him – even when it conflicts with belief, and still retain his strength, dignity and inner power. Intelligent women love this!

Because women say sorry but don't mean it

Sorry is meant to be an apology.  It is meant to be a genuine statement of regret. It implies some soul searching and a commitment (if not a promise) to do better in the future or not to repeat the offence.

It is not a word that exonerates you from the nasty thing you just said when you hurt the person the way you intended nor is it permission for you to say something cruel because you began the sentence with "I'm sorry but..."

Women use 'sorry' for everything under the sun other than a promise to change behaviour. They will apologise for bumping you in a train, for reaching out for the same magazine on a rack at the same time as you, for getting to work early and for getting to work late. Women will apologise when the clock has reached quitting time, when they get home, when they cook something for dinner you didn't expect, when they are washing up instead of watching television with the family, when they are tired and for every other natural function under the sun.

They will say  cruel things to each other, their partners and their children, but if they receive the reaction they intended they will apologise in a swift passive agressive apology with more suction power than quicksand. Women use the apology as if it were a magic cloth that can wipe away every discomfort, and every ugly moment on the face of the earth.

But they never, ever really mean they won't repeat the behaviour. No, the automated apology is designed to defuse a situation, not to actually say sorry. In this way, women get to keep their gentle control, all the way saying how sorry they are that things have turned out the way they have.

In romance novels, women and men only apologise when they mean it. And apologies are saved for serious moments. Moments of reflection and consideration. In fact, if a woman in a romance novel is a serial apologiser, it is treated as a defect and she will be 'encouraged' out of it through a series of events that will teach her to never apologise half heatedly again.

Because men have made feminism all about men

Men are threatened by feminism.

This is fair enough, seeing as the bulk of what feminism wants to do is remove male privilege, and create a level playing field. This inevitably means women's efforts get recognised and men have to make an effort to get recognised.

So you can understand why some men might not be thrilled about the idea.

However, the best attack on feminism - and one that men are particularly good at - is to kerfuffle the idea so that when you talk about feminism - its all about men. How men 'feel' about it, how they are 'coping' in the work place, how confused they are on dates, what they think of Germaine Greer, do they keep opening car doors, and their opinions on female sports presenters. These have become the primary 'issues' that 'feminism' has to deal with cleverly making the topic primarily a male topic.

Even amongst women, you will find the topic of feminism will either start with or turn quickly to, men. How does your husband feel about it;  are men turned on by feminism;  and my personal favourite, I would be a feminist but my husband wants me to shave my legs.

In romance novels feminism isn't really an issue. Some protagonists are, some aren't, but their men love them anyway, aren't threatened and really really don't need to make it all about them.

Because women still use childish flirting techniques

Little girls are taught how to flirt. It’s something they do from a very early age. If you believe (or at least entertain) the ideas of Freud, you’ll know that she has been flirting with her father (and some psychotherapists think her mother) from the ‘mirror stage’.

However, it is marginally forgivable that a teenager will still employ these childish tactics to get what she wants. But an adult female moving into her twenties really needs to be learning to rely on other achievements to get ahead in life. It’s a natural selection thing. She needs to come up with some new devices in order to establish herself in the world.

If this childish flirting is unacceptable in your twenties, it is unforgiveable in your thirties and simply obscene at any older age.

However, women don’t seem to work out that this is a childish habit. They insist on using the same flirting techniques they used when they were infants. You will often see this in women as old as sixty. They will batt their eyes, cock their head and smile with the exact same look that worked so well on their daddies, when he was ... well ... alive.

It’s one thing to use a flirting technique as a method of seduction, but unless you are actually contemplating seeing the man in a romantic capacity, it is inappropriate to use the same flirting techniques you used on your father. These techniques should never be seen in places such as social occasions, used on other women’s partners or – and this is the most unforgivable of all – in the workplace.

In romance novels, women have learnt that the subtleties of flirting belong between their partner and themselves. They want to flirt with their lover as a seduction or part of foreplay toward sex. It is not used a weapon against men to make a woman easier in social situations.

Because men are petty

One of the advantages of telling everyone you’re not emotional or obsessed with silly little details is that when you are emotional and obsessed with silly little details, you can tell everyone you’re not. And they believe it.

Because it’s so important for a man to believe the mythology they’ve created around masculinity but also impossible to live up to the mythology they’ve created around masculinity, they become obsessed with petty details that become deeply important. The best way to recognise this is in his perpetual reinforcing of the stereotypes.

If you hop out of the car and help a man change the tyre, he will be forced to make a comment about his physical superiority. If you answer a question correctly ahead of him in a trivia contest, he will be forced to ‘teach’ you something on the way home (if he is kind) or publicly humiliate you (if he is not kind). If you earn more money than him, he will find a way to tell you (in public of course) that he refused a promotion, or a job that would have paid him better. There is no win too small, no superior moment too unobtrusive and no fear of not being superior too ridiculous for a man. He will find a way to challenge you, out of his panic, if he has the slightest feeling you are superior (or even on par) over him in some way.

Asserting masculinity is a full time job (as is asserting femininity) because it is so unnatural. It needs to be verbally reinforced because it is not obvious from behaviours.

In romance novels sexual stereotypes are not vehemently preserved. Men sleep with men and are still thought of as alpha males. Women sleep with several men at one time and are not thought of as easy. Because it’s a fantasy it is allowed to transcend the social barriers that define masculine and feminine.

Because women don't want to take advantage of opportunity

Women are filled with razor sharp criticism when it comes to others, but they are remarkably incapable of applying that same criticism to themselves.

They prefer excuses when it comes to ‘why’ their own life is a mess / dreams aren’t fulfilled / opportunities haven’t been taken. There are a thousand reasons, all conspiring against a woman to do something other than complain about what others are doing.

Women complained for centuries that legislation withheld possibility from them. Now that this legislation has all but been diligently removed, they either still complain, or get very ‘busy’ with the business of nurturing others.

They can’t take advantage of the opportunities to contribute to a whole society that have been placed in their lap.

A woman would much rather complain that she would have LOVED to take that opportunity that came her way, but she had to get the kids breakfasts, she had to make the beds and get the washing on the line, she had to feed the pets and then the bus was late, so she has missed her chance.

We used to think it was fear, and in some societies, this can still be seen to be the case, but in our western society, there is really no excuse for a woman not getting out there and contributing to something larger than herself.

In romance novels, women are busy with life and contribution because the women who write them are busy with life and contribution. Therefore, they write exciting characters who are trying to make a difference. Their men are never threatened by their attempts to take opportunity, and what results is exciting relationships that intelligent women dream of creating in their own lives.

Because men have trouble with other points of view

Alternate ways of looking at something is very difficult for a man. Part of the assumption of male privilege, means that men don’t actually know that there are other ideas out there. They have the idea – it’s called a fact – and other people say things and need to be informed of the facts.

Period.

This is partly why it is very difficult for men to ask for directions or follow instruction when setting up household gadgets. If they don’t actually know it, it isn’t known.

There are some circumstances where men are able to be taught things. They will do it in a framework of understanding like a university course or some other kind of school course. In this situation, however, it is expected that the man who is learning the new thing, will be able to achieve a piece of paper that tells everyone that he now officially knows that thing. For a man, this means that he is as accomplished as every other person who holds the same piece of paper, regardless of how many years they’ve held it, or how many other papers they have as well as it.

Only if a man can receive the piece of paper proving he has learnt the new thing, is he willing to concede that he didn’t know something in the first place,. And even while he is learning, he assumes (as we have seen previously) that he is a geniuses; that no other student is as advanced as he; and he secretly and naturally knows more than his professor anyway.

In romance novels, it isn’t a sign of weakness for a man if he doesn’t know something. It isn’t a sign of weakness if someone else knows something and they found it out before him – even if it is something he is interested in. Intelligent women read romance novels because they are excited and fascinated by this kind of man and want to read more and more about him.

Because women are always on a diet

Okay – it’s the post we had to have.

Women do not know how eternally irritating it is that they are constantly on a diet.

Or is that really the case?

Women DO know how irritating it is that they are always on a diet. But like the two year old who clamps their mouth shut, and turns their head on your oncoming ‘aeroplane’ overladen with mush, women refuse food as a grasp at power.

It is assumed by psychologists that children get to a certain age and begin to refuse certain foods; because it is one of the few areas they can control their parents. They will change their favourites at the drop of a hat just to confuse and confound their parents.

Even though women are at the mercy of the latest diet fad, even though the bulk of women are trying to please their families at meal time, even though all doctors say it is terribly unhealthy to change diets all the time; they still think when dieting that they are controlling themselves. And this is the key to why women won’t give up on the diet thing.

Of course, they get to control others as well. They get to sit in front of the family like a martyr when they’ve made pot roast for everyone else with their dry rice cake; plus they get to go to their girlfriends house, see an enormous dinner that she’d spent hours preparing and say “gee, I don’t eat that anymore – didn’t I tell you?” and proceed to pull the rice cake out of their bag.

In romance novels women have access to control in their lives. They are often in the career of their choice (and doing very well thanks very much) or they have a strong and determined spirit. The men they love adore them back and encourage their freedoms, so they never feel that they have to assert themselves with petty rebellions such as refusing food.

Because men are terrified of being gay

Men are more scared of being approached by a man than almost anything else. Several reasons have been put forward for; but the reason that we know more and more to be true, is that men are afraid they’ll give in.

That’s it. That is what is at the bottom of all this carry-on about not being gay. Secretly, men know that if the circumstances were right, they’d probably give it a go. They are terrified of anyone finding this out about them.

What they don’t realise is, we all know.

The more homophobic a man is, the more likely to turn to another man given the right circumstances. It comes back to that old Shakespeare quote – me thinks the lady doth protest too much. The louder the squeal, the less convincing the argument.

The best example of the biggest protest against being gay ever, is Hugh Heffner. I have never, EVER seen a man more determined to convince the world he is not gay. But really, what else could you say about a man that turns normal, sexy looking women into Barbie? There is only ONE kind of man that I know of who is collecting real life Barbie dolls.

This still doesn’t really address why men are terrified of being called gay. One of the best explanations I have ever heard is that men will try to kill anyone who treats them like a woman – because every man knows deep down how badly he treats women. To be relegated to the status of ‘woman’ in a connection is the deepest insult.

In romance novels, men are rarely, if ever, challenged by bi sexuality or homosexuality. The reason for this is simple. It is an enormous turn on for women to think of two men together, and so many erotic romance novels address this by giving the hero a homo moment. And the more intelligent the woman, the more she loves it!

Because women still want men to rescue them

Women will complain they are miserable because of their man and the way he treats them, but they still expect him to fix it.

They're waiting for him to ride in on his white horse.

Women can't forgive men for being human. It's not part of the deal anyway - the deal being a woman will be less than human so that he can be more than human. Women want to be the weak ones in the relationship; they want to be looked after.

Women are resentful when a man makes them unhappy and he can do this by things as diverse as: not asking her how her day was in the right tone of voice through to being unable to fix her abusive parents. Because she is still waiting for him to rescue her, and his inability to do so is revealed more and more over time, her resentment that he can't builds proportionately over time.

in romance novels men always rescue women, so women have no need to rescue themselves - nor be ashamed of their desire to be rescued. In fact what often happens is as soon as this desire is met, women find their own independance.

Because men prefer younger women

Men prefer younger women.

They pretend the reason for this is biological; that the drive to make babies makes them attracted to young women. However, like most theories designed to justify male bad habits - this doesn't work in the reverse. A woman shouldn't have a younger man. And if she does - he is a loser.

Of course the real reason (which all women without exception know) men like young women is they're scared of being exposed as stupid.  Even young women know men need them to be bimbos; which is why they go to so much trouble to act that way. For the comfort of men.

By the time a woman gains some experience she's ready to talk and men get terrified. they don't want an intelligent woman (not because they're not attracted to her) because they fear their own stupidity being revealed.

Men will go to great lengths to justify this cowardice; cop opting nature and even god into their justifications. even young men will defend the right of old men to pursue eighteen year old women, because they know enough to know they are already scared of intelligent women.

In romance novels, as we've seen previously, the men are not afraid of intelligent women so females can extend their minds AND be loved in their beds at night.

Beacuse women sell out to men

Women sell out. And I mean they sell out everything. They sell out friends, family, career, ideals, perspectives, and even their own children, for the approbation of men.

Sometimes, when women get together, they fantasise about how things would be if all the women banded together to make something happen. Because women have the numbers (China is trying to address this imbalance, but they’re not there yet) they know that using those numbers to their best advantage in a democracy will get things changed.

But there is one powerful element they are up against; one foe so sinister that they will out think they’re every move; One enemy of female emancipation so potent that it can find the deepest weakness in a group of women and exploit it – other women.

Because men have power, women like to flatter men – in many and varied ways – in order to take power from them. This is the only way in the past that women have successfully taken power for themselves, but it only works on an individual basis. Typically bound by desperate short sightedness and a general ‘dumbness’, women will not give this power up.

No matter how tantalising the promise of opportunity and power on the other side, women will not stop the pandering that leads to opportunity. And they will sacrifice mercilessly. They will stop perusing scientific research if men don’t like their findings. They will dump a treasured long term girlfriend if the ten day old boyfriend tells them to. They will even leave their children virtually unsupervised in the playground, if a cute guy is chatting them up in the corner.

In romance novels the women are of much higher charter. They only care about the good opinion of their own man, not all men, and they stand and fight for themselves and their integrity all the time. Intelligent women see this and they love to dip into a fantasy world where women are like this all the time.

Because men mistake laziness for being trapped

Men think they are trapped. They think that they’re ‘freedom’ (and that usually means whatever they would rather be doing than what they are doing right now) is an inalienable right that they deserve or have earned and that something has taken that from them.

It’s convenient for a man to think that it is a woman who has trapped him. This is the easiest way for him to not actually do anything about getting what he really wants, or committing to some idea of what he really wants. In fact, it is so important to a man that he feel that his woman is trapping him, that if she shows signs of setting him free, he will become deeply insecure and produce the feelings of hurt that we examined in a post a few days ago.

It is essential to masculinity that he feels people, institutions, rules and governments are in the way of his freedom. It is essential because he never wants to have the experience of having to make his dreams come true himself. He wants, instead to not have to take risks and to blame everything around him for his comfort not leading to exciting adventures.

Men will go to great lengths to support the belief that if it weren’t for whatever they deem to be in their way, they would be off having exciting adventures. They will pretend that they want a harem like Hugh Heffner - even though remarkably few men in all of history have ever been bothered to go to the trouble of making this life work for them. They will pretend they want to be a sports hero - even though they will never go to the trouble of practising, getting themselves out in the rain or on to the track when they are tired. Instead, it is something else that has prevented them from achieving these ‘masculine’ goals.

In romance novels the men take full responsibility for what they want in their life. Most of the time they feel very ready for relationships, so they usually go to great lengths to make that happen, but anything else that they may want, they just make real. No excuses, no blame.

Because women use 'nice' as a weapon of mass destruction

Women are nice.

This is a rule of the universe. Despite overwhelming evidence against it, despite every fact available telling us the contrary, despite no woman in the entire world in every culture who has ever lived actually being very nice, we still believe this to be the case.

If a woman is being nice to you – it’s a trick. There is something she is getting out of it, whether it is something as basic as a roof over her head and food on her table or whether it is greater than that – like a chance for revenge against someone else, a move that will help get her husband a better job or a way to manoeuvre her children through life.

For women, nice is a tool. It’s a way of gaining things. It is not a natural state. She has to work at it. At first it’s easy, because she’s taught from an early age that it will get her positive recognition. The thing she learns most of all, is that when she is nice, she reinforces something that people want to believe is true, so she will be rewarded, protected and receive power. But when she is older, and life is teaching her that those rules don’t always apply, nice is harder to achieve.

When a woman becomes a master of nice, she can give it and take it as she pleases and leave you very cons=fused as to why you feel so bad. She will come in strong, and be so sweet in her communication and smile so gently that your guard is down and you become very vulnerable. That’s usually when she’ll go in with her sweetest insult, her nastiest observation and her most viscous advice about who you should be.

In romance novels the heroines are good women, but they are rarely nice. They may be empathic, strong, defenders of their family, thinkers, accomplished, warm, loving, nurturing and beautiful, but they are never nice. And the very intelligent women who read these books, love the honesty, and relish in the opportunity to not have to be nice anymore.

Because men can't take what they dish out

Men get a great thrill out of picking on the weaker one. They justify this  socially unacceptable behaviour in many different ways from calling it a ‘natural’ drive that exists as a survival instinct, through to claiming it is an urge put there by god so man can defeat himself and show god he is worthy of forgiveness.

Although almost all men will tell you it is wrong to pick on those weaker, almost all of them do it or have done it at some time, and all men will tell you their version of the ‘nature of man’ story to give themselves a backhanded compliment thinly disguised as a reprimand.

That is, of course, as long as the offense has not been against them.

Men emotionally bruise so easily, that women feel sorry for them most of the time and feel that they have to tip toe around their feelings. A man will develop the persona of a kicked puppy as soon as his wife, girlfriend, mother or any other nurturing female deliver an emotional blow. Of course there is never any justification for this behaviour. A woman who is lashing out emotionally at a man is a deranged bitch.

Men have always claimed that only they are allowed to be tough and they emphasise this by caving so drastically when they become emotionally weakened that any enemy, male or female, feels too sorry for them to continue any form of assault. This strategy results in the offender making a wide eyed apology to the man, who in turn gets to mumble something that does not really resemble forgiveness and then allows him to go to the ‘other room’ for some alone time. This also gives him permission to bring up the offence regularly in the future; to be sure the person who committed it is never allowed to forget.

The reciprocal never, ever applies. When he does this to anyone, they are a loser if they are offended and mentally insane if they ever bring up the offence in the future.

In romance novels the men don’t act like wounded puppies when they are picked on. They are usually true alpha males who don’t’ fall over and cry if someone bigger picks on them – or someone weaker or smaller. Women find this ability to cope with all that life throws at you very endearing.

Beacuse women think Feng Shui will get everything else done

Why do you think women love Feng Shui so much? Not REAL feng Shui, where you get in touch with a deep Chinese spirituality that requires a detailed map that took a mystic years and years to produce properly.

We're talking here about Feng Shui that is practised and taught by western women and always involves a trip to Ikea to 'clean out the clutter'.

No matter what problem a woman has in her life, she believes it can be 'cured' by cleaning out clutter. Kids are antsy - clean their rooms. You feel worthless and as though you contribute nothing - clear out your space. You have cancer - go on a cleansing diet. Nothing in the world is any match for a womans' belief in the power of 'dirt'. Dirt in its many forms can ruin your life and it has to be eradicated.

Dirt has all sorts of symbolic power for women that is not recognised. Women think it can prevent you from having good ideas, from you making money, and from you finding a true lover - hence the desire to clean out these parts of your 'house' FIRST, before you try to actually do something about any of these things. This statement seems very rational to a woman; "How can I expect money to flow to me if I keep my bills in the top right hand corner of my house?" or "I'll never have peacful sleep if I keep old family photos in a box under my bed."

We have seen here before that women have cleanliness OCD. This extends through to moments when they require some sort of activity. If a woman actually has to get something done - especially if that task is a little difficult - she will clear her space, get rid of the last project, or just complete all the housework that could ever possibly be needed before she does it. this way she gets to have a total sense of control and satisfaction around the project without actually having gotten anything done. For a woman, this task IS half completed.

In romance novels the women get lots of things done, are accomplished and successful - regardless of if they are stay home mothers, or Nobel winning scientists. Doors are not closed and neurosis does not have to step in. Regardless of the quality of the writing, if a woman wrote the novel, the main female has ways of producing consequences to her actions that get her results;  Without having to clean out under the bed first.

Because men think that giving a woman what she wants is selling out

For a man, doing anything that is asked of him is tough. It’s very important that he never be seen to be doing what he is told. For some reason that defies any kind of rationality – he needs to be seen to be doing his own thing – which of course is the opposite of what he has been asked to do.

This goes as far as the boss, traffic signs, the details on the tag in his clothes about how to clean his shirts and police officers. However, nowhere is it more important to be disobedient, than to his wife or girlfriend.

This is primarily because he thinks of a woman in this position as his mother, so if she makes a suggestion that will lead to their future happiness, rather than think rationally about what she is proposing, he will feel instantly that his mother is telling him what to do, and he will act in an opposing way, regardless of how good an idea it is.

In fact, it is so important, that it has become one of the keystones of the recognition of masculinity. Again, because there are no biological ‘masculine’ traits, they have to be invented. And “I’m not doing it just because you said” is one of them.

Women are slowly working this out, and they allow petty rebellions in order for the man to feel that his masculinity is not under threat, so that she can win some points with the larger issues. She’ll nag over him refusing to cut the lawn, but if he MUST be defined by the opposite of whatever she says, better that than running around after other women.

In romance novels the men are able to think carefully about things that on the table in front of them without it threatening their masculinity. They are made of stronger stuff, and can agree to something without feeling as though they are less of a man. This is very unusual and refreshing to a woman, so the most intelligent of them will flock to the romance novel to get to know these kinds of men better.

Because women need to write their thoughts in a journal

All women are 'creative'. It may be stamping, scrap booking, cooking the family meal or making velvet flowers; whatever it is, as long as it doesn't actually challenge them or put them in an environment where they have to work very hard,  women will happily call themselves creative.

In order to facilitate the intense creative process of stamping, women need to track their journey - in a journal.

The intense introspection, the recognition of the universal in a moment - these things are nothing compared with the documenting of how long it took to cut up all the small bits of paper for today's photo album, or how difficult it was simply to get out of bed this morning.

Journals will usually be accompanied at some point during the day by visits to a cafe or the purchase of a new journal (despite not being half way through the first). These additions are very important ways that women can feel creative with0out actually having to do anything creative.

In romance novels women live out the fanatsies of real world women. They are creative, or they have no desire to be creative and theregfore live with deeper integrity according to who they really are.

Because men misinterpret flattery

In the early days of a relationship when a woman flatters her man and gives him complete and total fidelity (physical, emotional and intellectual) the man thinks she is besotted with him.

Looking in the mirror, it occurs to him that this is natural and completely understandable.

It never occurs to  a man that she is thinking "He'll treat me this way if I treat him this way". Instead he believes his innate charm has driven her mad with love, lust and desire.

He starts to look around, thinking it would be unfair of him to withhold himself from all the other women.

He never works out that the woman he is in a relationship with is actually telling him how she likes to be treated. He thinks that it is completely natural that all the women he meets want to offer themselves and their lives to him.

In romance novels the men never assume a woman's flatter (in all its forms - flirting, smiles across a room, sex and support / encouragement) has anything to do with his greatness. Instead he sees the real message the woman is trying to pass on and reciprocates in kind.

Because women like to complain

One of the famous stereotypes about women is that they complain a lot. This is mostly based on fact. It has become so pervasive that we think women complain that we have incorporated it into pop psychology. We say women don’t want solutions; they just want to air their problems.

Generally, when a woman is complaining about something from the wet weather through to the way her friends are treating her; it is not in order to change anything about the scenario she wants to complain about. It is just to complain. As if she’s become so addicted to complaining that she fears resolutions to her problems. A resolution means she has to do something about the situation. A resolution means her case is solvable, which in turn means, it isn’t special, which means, neither is she.

Women don’t want to think that there is a solution to their problem. Simple statements like “That’s horrible. Maybe you should never speak to that person again” invalidate her complaint. Even saying something like “That’s terrible, but I guess you have to live with it. I mean you can’t get rid of your boss” invalidates her complaint. In fact, sitting down and listening to her and saying nothing invalidates her complaint.

The only thing to do when a woman wants to whinge is to listen and help her blow the problem out of all proportion. If you say “That’s terrible, but it goes to a deeper underlying issue for her, that you will have to prepare yourself to deal with. This is very similar to a war, and you will have to act like a general in this situation” you not only validate her complaint, you dramatise it, blow it out of proportion and invite future discussions around the issue. This is what she wants. The ultimate validation for the thing she’s complaining about.

In romance novels women don’t complain nearly as much. They’re too busy living their lives, and enjoying a relationship with a delicious man who validates the smaller things they do in life. Therefore they have no need to seek out validation or disproportionate support over every little thing.

Because men think no one understands them

It’s very important to a man that he is misunderstood. It goes to something we discussed earlier; about all men thinking they are geniuses. It’s the same irrationality at work, when they are convinced no one understands them.

To a man, the reason no one understands him (besides the fact that the thinks he is a genius and no one CAN understand him) is because of the complex way that his mind works. He likes to smile wistfully as women and friends try to make him out, but when they give up he exhales meaningfully, crosses one leg over the other and sits back with his arms folded across his chest. Again, no one has been able to ‘make him out’.

A man will go to great lengths to prove that he is complicated and difficult to get to know. Not the least of which is he will never talk about his feelings. To a man, not only will doing this make him appear ‘girly’ but it will also reveal what he secretly fears the world finding out; That there isn’t actually anything in there to work out.

Of course, if someone (usually a wife or girlfriend) goes actually work them out, and starts to play to their personalities, a man will be deeply shocked. It will horrify him to think someone got under his radar, and he will do everything in hi power (read – lie) to make it alright and to convince the person observing him, that they were struggling down the wrong path all along.

In romance novels, men aren’t afraid of their feelings and they aren’t insecure about being ‘discovered’. They understand that to reveal is to begin the journey, and that everyone has a great deal inside of them that will take years to discover properly.

Because women need new 'things' to make them feel special

As we have already seen, it is very important for a woman to feel special. This is particularly important if she isn’t special. In fact, the less special a woman is, the greater her desire to be recognised as special.

Women know that they are often seen as objects. This is annoying to a woman, but the best way to calm her down is to give her total control over another object. This helps pacify her, calm her down and helps her to recognise herself as human; even if it is a human with few accomplishments.

The best way to offer a gift to a woman to help her feel less like an object, is to buy her a present. Now, the present must be material. This doesn’t work quite as well if it is a deed well done. That will get you a long way with a woman, but it won’t last a long time. The object as gift notion will always work a lot better.

The best ‘things’ to give a woman should be tokens of your high esteem. Flowers are excellent, chocolates not so great, perfume is excellent, and clothes are not so great. (Unless you are able to get her a gift voucher) under no circumstances – even if you are already married – give any gift in a small velvet covered jewellery ring box. Even though you may be giving a beautiful, and expensive thing, it will cause so much trouble when she finds out it is not a ring that it will undo all the good work, and actually serve to make her feel more like an object than ever before.

In romance novels, men walk down the street and feel suddenly inspired to buy their love a piece of jewellery for making such a lovely breakfast for them three days in a row, or for looking after their kids so well, or for just being ‘her’. This excites all women and keeps them coming back to the romance novel for more.

Because men have trouble letting go

Men find it very difficult to come to terms with the fact that their penis is simply a functioning (or not) organ on their body. Because it is the primary thing that identifies them as male, it is very important to a man that the penis is recognised and given its proper place, as the definition of what separates a male from a female.

It is, therefore, very difficult for men to understand how a penis can mean nothing to a woman.

And nowhere is this more evident, than when a man has slept with a woman.

Men think their penis has such a profound impact on a woman, that they imagine they ‘own’ her, or perhaps to put it in a more egalitarian sense, they have ‘claimed’ her when they sleep with her. It is impossible for a man to imagine that the woman can get over the experience created by his penis.

This belief inevitably leads to deep insecurity in the man. Either his penis does not mean everything in the world to her, or the men who slept with her before him mean more to her than him. This is a very difficult moment for a man to face. He used to be able to deal with it by marrying, or dating virgins. These days women ‘sow their wild oats’ just as the men do, so the anxiety is back again.

It’s a choice for a man, between the deep importance the penis has on the woman, or knowing that she still longs for that first, most important penis.

It is also for this reason that men have great trouble letting go of the previous girlfriends. Just as he is convinced the previous penises in his lover’s life influence her still, so he believes that he still influences the women from his past. That they may have gotten over him is unfathomable to a man. He may not have seen an ex for years and years but if he accidently bumps into her in the supermarket, he immediately wants to renew contact. It is essential that he find out – that he know for sure, if she still thinks about his penis.

In romance novels the men are not worried about other penises. They know that their partner is not a piece of soap – she will not wear out. As long as she is faithful to them while they are with her, her history and it contents are irrelevant.

Because women need to redecorate

When a woman has a problem in her life – I mean a serious, problem that requires a life altering solution – she will go to enormous, remarkable lengths to not have to do anything about it.

She will buy new clothes, she will dress the baby in a new way, she will find new friends, take up yoga, and if none of these things work, she will redecorate.

Redecorating for a woman is the same as nirvana for a Buddhist monk. It is the closest to perfection she will ever attain. No wall scratch goes unnoticed; no outdated frill will be ignored. A woman will use all the powers of her mind, intuition, body and soul to produce a Zen like change in the room.

The theory is; if the environment has changed, then I have changed.

Try very hard to never get between a woman and her desire to redecorate. You will only get hurt. Usually husbands will ‘allow’ their home to be transformed in this way, because everyone is trying to avoid the deep truth that is being hidden by the desire to re-decorate. There will be the ceremonial trip to the local hardware superstore, the busy buying of paints and brushes; all under her command, because it is a relief to see her happy and talking to everyone and the crises we all thought was coming has been averted for another day.

In romance novels problems women have to deal with are dealt with. Women rarely have time for phobias, complaints or unexpressed desires, because their needs are met and they know what they want. Their lives are fulfilling, exciting and fun, and tasks like redecorating are left to little moments of aesthetic pleasure or not dealt with at all.

Because men are so nervous

Men are very nervous creatures.

They hide this in many ways, but the biggest way they try to hide things is by acting in groups. When men hang around in groups of men, they feel safe.

Men are nervous about many things. Some of these things are on the surface (they’re nervous about not being seen as a ‘real man’ – this is a common endless source of nervous tension for a man) and other issues that make them nervous are buried deep (they are very nervous that they will die eventually). However, as a general rule, they are nervous all the time.

When a man hangs around in groups with other men who are doing the same thing as he is (drinking beer or watching the game) they feels safe. However, nothing makes them feel safer than doing something scary with a bunch of men (bungee jumping, sky diving). Every man will try some ‘dangerous’ activity in his life ‘with his mates’ in order to try to keep his nerves at bay.

In romance novels the men are the same. Male vulnerability is something that women love that they are deeply attracted to.

Because women are 'going to...'

 With the amount of nagging that most women get up to (more on this later) you would think that it was their husbands / boyfriends or children who don’t fulfil on their promises. However, it is the women who are ‘going to’ get something done, more than any other societal group.

Women are new to the active scene. Rich women have been at home (trapped or languishing) and poor women have been at home (working) for so many years that they have just started to develop their natural skills at commitment, achievement and forward motion.

This means that at this point in their history, you will find women promising they are going to do ‘things’ that never really happen. They are going to learn a new language, go to uni or tech to get a new skill, or just beat whoever is achieving around them at whatever it is they are doing.

It’s really important to women to create their goals list. They like to do it at the beginning of the year, but they will actually be happy to do it at various points throughout the year. They will usually do it when they feel down about not having achieved much lately. The goals list will help them feel that they will be achieving something without them actually having to do anything.

Goal’s list will have anything from; “buy a pint of milk on the way home” to “get skinny” or “learn French” written on it. Until women actually learn how to get these things done, the list itself is a great source of comfort for women, because they think at least if it hasn’t happened to day, it is going to in the future.

In romance novels, women have their to do lists still, but many exciting things happen to them so that they don’t need to create false lists. Their lists genuinely are about the smaller tasks they have to get done during the day. The larger stuff is happening in real life and dosen’t need to be created in a dream world.

Because men are searching for their mothers

Men never get over being children.  

From the second they begin to enter puberty, they spend the rest of their lives acting like children. The pinnacle of this search is they are looking for their mother.

They are particularly looking for their mother in the women they date or marry. When a woman does not clean up after them, cook their dinners and tell them they have the flu when they have a cold, they will assume she doesn’t love them. They will go into intense emotional free fall, expecting the woman is supposed to fill the gap left by his mother.

Men don’t want to take responsibility for anything that their mothers used to do for them, from washing their own clothes through to going to the doctor. It never occurs to them that her job is completed. They simply look for a replacement mother when their real one doesn’t do it anymore.

This also extends to bring deeply hurt if a woman has something in her life that is more important than the care of him. Because he thinks she is his mother, he doesn’t understand how she can be so heartless as to focus on her career, or the children he has had with her. For men, the dream world of eternal childhood can’t be shattered by any facts like his mother getting on with his life, his wife or girlfriend wanting to get on with her life, or his grey hair. He is still a child, and he still needs his mother.

In romance novels, the men want the affection and warmth that a woman brings, but they don’t expect her to act like a mother with him. They will be offended if she thinks he can’t go to the doctor himself when he is sick, or get his own breakfast in the morning.

Because women overanalyse everything

Women read too much into everything. This comes from doing nothing productive with your brain, but even the busiest woman will still take time to indulge in a mental orgy of analysis over certain situations, on some occasions.

And please don’t think this is just about their relationships with their man. Every single relationship will be over analysed by a woman, especially if it has gone badly.

It is not unusual to find a woman, speaking in a corner of a cafe with her friend in a fevered passion, about something that someone did to her years ago. The friend will show the patience of a saint, because she is expecting her friend to show the same patience when she sits and overanalyse her situation in her turn.

Partially this is because women think they are so intuitive, and they like to look ‘below the surface’ on what might be ‘going wrong’ with the person who wronged them. They like to move to the next rung in their spiritual ladder by thinking about the possible motivations, over and over again of the person who wronged them. They will talk and talk and overanalyse until they feel better about the entire situation. However this won’t last long. It will be no time at all, and they will feel very bad again, and need to go over and over the same story till they can feel better.

Only time will put an end to the introspection over that one particular anecdote. They will most certainly never talk their way into the solution, unless of course they see a professional therapist.

In romance novels, the ‘talk’ does cure. Things are resolved with conversation. Friends have brilliant insights, and lovers attentive ears. Women find that each problem is solved with the first round of analysis and they have no need for indulgences in anymore.

Because men can't pee sitting down

Men can go to the toilet sitting down. What they can’t actually do is go properly standing up.

The seat up / seat down thing has been going on between men and women for years. As is the case with most of these artificial distinctions between men and women, men have claimed that standing up to pee is superior to sitting down because.... well.... because that is what they do.

In fact, if the reason for using a toilet is so that we keep hygiene standards high, standing up is dramatically inferior to sitting down. Pee ends up – inevitably we are told – on the toilet seat, on the floor around the toilet and in suspicious places on the clothing. This never happens to the people sitting down.

You’d think with a hose, they’d have better control – not worse.

However, this is another of those illogical ways that men recognise themselves as men. By doing something that both sexes can do (yes, women can do it too – they just don’t like the spillage) but that they pretend only they can do, we all get to focus on difference. In other words, men think peeing upright at the bowl stops them from being women. And because they have to create artificial difference, they are right.

In romance novels, if men insist on going standing up, they care about not leaving the drips everywhere. They understand that anyone, male or female, coming in behind them doesn’t want to walk through their urine, so they are careful to keep it in the bowl. This simple effort makes the men seem like mirages of masculinity to women.

Because women shop instead of think

 

Because women shop instead of think

It’s true. As soon as a woman is confronted with a challenge, she goes shopping.

Actually, even when a woman is not confronted at all, she goes shopping.

Women think they ‘deserve’ to shop and to get nice things for themselves or nice thing purchased for them. Ask them what they did specifically to earn these gifts and they will say “for being me” or “for being there”. These very nonspecific answers provide two important functions. It means a woman can shop at any time anywhere no excuse needed, and it also means every woman can do this.

Amazingly, sometimes a woman will just go shopping because she ‘feels like spending money’. As if this were a mood or a phase in the day one goes through. Money is not actually a factor in a woman shopping. She will find a way to shop even if she has no money.  She will use credit or she will spend the rent money. Nothing can come between her and the opportunity to throw her money away.

Traditionally women have been called ‘money hungry’ or ‘money oriented’ but this is a very misleading phrase. Women hate money, and try to get rid of it as soon as it hits their wallets.  They ill even tell you that the money is burning a hole in their pocket, so severe is the drive and their desire to get to the nearest shop and just buy something.

It rarely matters what they buy.

In romance novels, a creation by women for women, the females all go shopping all the time, but people don’t caught out by the debt. This is a wonderful little visit into the perfect dream world for a woman, and so they will dip into this world as often as possible.

Because men are studs

Part of male mythology states that men have a ‘need’ to sleep with many different women.

It is thought that the reason this mythology was created was mainly because men are so insecure, and this has been set as a benchmark for virility, therefore men like to claim high potency because they hide their insecurities behind it.

However, another reason behind it is that men are so bad in bed.

It is true (as seen in earlier posts) that women don’t help the situation by remaining mute and letting the man get away with these inadequacies, but for the most part, men are so bad in bed, they have a deep fear of ‘returning to the scene of the crime.’

The first time with a man, inevitably, is terrible for a woman. Ever the optimist, she is happy to keep going back for more, until her expectations become so low it no longer matters that she isn’t being satisfied in bed.

Because men expect women to be doing all the work of foreplay, arousal, and desire (all aimed at them and THEIR stimulation of course) they make little or no effort at ensuring the woman is satisfied. This plays on their mind after, and their impression of themselves as a virile genius starts to get a little shaken.

Rather than go back and conquer that mountain, the man will search for a smaller hill. He will look toward the sexually ‘easy’ girl, hoping that in her he will find an instant orgasm without him having to do much.

In romance novels and in erotic romance particularly, the men are keen to satisfy the woman first. This is so new and exciting to a woman that the most intelligent woman will read it over and over, just for the high on the shock value.

Because women won't take responsibility for their love life

 

Women think men don’t know how to make love.

This is a non negotiable point. Women think their job is to perform for the man in bed, and they think the compromise is that they don’t get what they really want. This is what goes on in a woman’s mind.

However, it never occurs to women that they need to take responsibility for this. They never try to tell their man what they want in bed, and they will never break up with a man because he wasn’t good in bed. Women suffer in a ‘silence’ that will manifest itself very loudly in other ways.

Women don’t tell their men what they want; They don’t grab him, kiss him and tell him exactly what they want him to do with them. They prefer to be ‘taken’, but taken in a way that fulfils their fantasies, AND satisfies their body’s needs. And they expect a man to magically know this.

Women will use male sensitivity and emotionality as the excuse, but really its a lack of courage. If she finds a way to communicate her message, and do it well, seductively, her partner will happily comply. She needs to take control, and educate him. Stop being so shy, and stop blaming him for knowing what she wants without being told.

In romance novels, men always magically know what to do. If their woman stops them and tells them she wants something else, they respond and get harder.

Because men get swept away

We’ve seen in earlier posts that men are very emotional creatures. This heightened emotional sensitivity also creates a situation where they get easily swept away.

This is part of what happens when a man watches football. He is not a spectator; he is one of the players, in there with them, feeling every tackle, experiencing every umpire’s decision. If he is watching it with his friends, they are all his teammates, and they bond under the assumption that they are actually part of the game.

This is true for any situation where a man is a spectator. Place him in close proximity to whatever he admires and he will instantly insert himself into whatever he is watching. He isn’t watching the rock concert, he is the lead guitarist, and all he needs is an opportunity to show it. He isn’t watching the car races; he is in the front seat and experiencing every bend in the road and every jolt of the gears.

Unfortunately, this will continue on for quite a few hours. It takes a while for a man to realise that he is back in reality, and that he has responsibilities that he considers trivial and mundane. Because of this, he will speed home after a car race, play a game of football or workout after the big game, practise his guitar playing for two hours into the dead of the night, thinking it’s just him and the band.

In romance novels, the world is documented the way it really is. Men are emotional, irrational creatures, driven by moods but this is accepted and recognised and understood. Women love them for it and men love it about themselves. For intelligent women, this is a wonderful breath of fresh air.

Because women are committed to keeping women down

As we've seen before in these posts, women are very good at 'being there' when one of their friends are in trouble. They will listen to a friend in need and support them and give them warm advice; but most of all, they will validate whatever their suffering friend is feeling or going through about the entire experience.

On the surface this looks to be a nice thing to do. But as we have also seen, the surface is rarely where the real stuff happens.

What this generosity does, is keep women dumb. Instead of challenging friends, competing with them to do better and injecting a little healthy rivalry to make each other stronger (as men will do) women will placate each other, make huge allowances for any weakness, and encourage each other to 'indulge' in order to validate their own weaknesses. In other words, women encourage weakness in each other as a form of self defence. This is a way of protecting themselves against their friends success. It also ensures they never have to actually achieve any of their own.

Deep inside her, it is a relief for a woman to hear her friend is down today, or can't handle her kids, or feels fat. Competition is so fierce and so negative amongst women, that they relish, almost as if it were a boost to their own self esteem, the bad days of their friends. This isn't malicious - they don't want to see their friends genuinely hurt - this is about being better than their friends.

Women are fraught with insecurity but they are also merciless when it comes to survival of themselves. For this reason they will give each other 'permission' to have bad days, move backwards in their goals and not fulfil their own intentions because they prefer their friends  to remain stuck rather than have an experience of luck or good fortune.  Where a man would never get sympathy from another man for having a hangover, a woman will tell her friend she's entitled to the odd night of excess, and encourage her to take the rest of the afternoon off.

Nowhere is this better seen than in mothers and daughters and mother and daughters in law. The inter-generational women will do everything they can to undermine the success and and strength of other generations. (more on this later)

In romance novels if a woman experiences jealousy of a friend, she will confess it and make note that it is interfering in her friendship with another woman. The other women won't light up with glee at the confession of such an embarrassing weakness, but will show concern and work with her friend to encourage strong self esteem. Intelligent women read romance novels to have a break from female competition which makes male competition look like gentle bike ride on a pleasant day.

Because men think if they lie enough it will eventually become the truth

Men have a very complicated relationship with honesty.

For a start, it has many layers. There is the 'white lie' (the lie you run your life by), the lie you know is wrong but you think you can get away with ( the lie you run your life by) and the lie that will take you to jail - that you still try to get away with.

Mostly, this is because maintaining the facade of masculinity is so difficult. Most of the defining criteria of what it takes to be a 'man' is at its best beyond the reach of any real human being, or at its worst a cover up for laziness, so men have a very tough time having to keep the balance between being a 'man' and being a fully functioning human being.

The best way to achive this, is to lie. But remember, these are all 'white lies'.

Because every man knows that so many people do get away with their lies, he is constantly tempted to persevere with this practise. Men will tell their lover they didn't cheat on her, no matter how many times he actually did - even if she caught him in the act - over and over till she starts to doubt her own eyes rather than evidence. A man will lie to the government very happily because he doesn't want to be the idiot doing the right thing when everyone else (read other men) are all getting away with 'it'. Men will lie to the police about the place they were, the time they were there and any knowledge of what took place, and if the police continue to question and mount overwhelming evidence, the men will simply stop talking so that they have no testimony.

They live in a world where everything is fabricated, so one more lie won't matter, won't be noticed and won't affect them. In the end, the lies become truth, in that the man telling them can't tell anymore that they are falsehoods. As with most aspects of how he defines himself, he's come to believe his own mythology. But have pity. It's very difficult for a mere human to live up to the notion of what it is to be male, so one resorts to distortions in the absence of any other possibility.

In romance novels, the men are ususally not 'human', not from this time period, or sociatal missfits. In this way, the writers can create 'real men' and deal with the facts, which is no man can actually be a 'real man' - and this is why intelligent women flock to them.